I write this very timidly. When I do decide to put things down on paper, it is usually after a conversation, or just something that has been on my mind. Today though, this will be based solely on a recent experience. Those parties involved... well this is my place to talk freely, and I have a few things to say. Its not like anyone really reads this thing anyway.
Strength is an odd thing. It is very difficult to perceive true strength. Obviously physical strength, most times, can be measured by the size of a bicep, or the weights displaced by one trying to prove/improve their strength. (As I type, I feel like is will be about much more than strength, but for now, thats what the title is.) Strength is sometimes misidentified. Unfortunately, we live in a society where the strong are considered brash, or rude, or overachievers. The norm is to be weak. To be a pushover, to be followers. As such, people that arent necessarily weak can feel dominate because there seems to be a universal law enforcing the pussyfication of our society. (thanks for the term Philly D... sidenote: watch the phillip defranco show on youtube, AWESOME).
As to not call anyone out, I'll be as general as possible here... I have dealt with some misguide folks in my day. While I am no MLK, I know what I want and what I need and try to do what I think will best serve those purposes. On the other hand, I can be coaxed into taking a flyer when I come out of the club, and I have been falsely energized into a pyramid scheme, but still, no pushover. But because it seems that I had a habit of dealing with people "weaker" in their resolve than I, it was very easy for me to feel as though I was a stronger person. I had/have goals, I understood the consequences of actions and evaluate risk before I do things. And to some extent, I felt that with some folks, I was bring some sort of structure into their lives. I made them better.
Then I found myself dealing with people that also considered themselves strong individuals, and rightfully so. They didn't need my structure and I certainly wasnt making them better because of my presence. This was a new experience. And this is where I believe I began to understand what strength is.
As I was use to being the strongest, I have a habit of thinking all that I do is right. Not because everyone else was wrong per say... but because, usually, I was the only one trying to make a decision and get something done, achieve a goal or what have you. I was thrown into a world where my thought process was scrutinized. I found that a lot of my ideas and thoughts werent actually thought out very well. I was laughed at, and confronted, and ridiculed. But I understood that it was not at all (mostly) mean spirited.
Honestly, if it had been in any other situation, if it had happened earlier in life, I would not be who I am now. I would not have been ready for such an experience. The only reason I truly believe I survived is because I called myself looking for this. I wanted to prove I was who I thought I was. I wanted to prove that even though I had a pretty decent list of goals and accomplishments, that I could succeed when the cards were not all falling in my favor. Up until that point, my life had not been very difficult. I was give a gift that allowed me to put in minimal effort, and still succeed. At least on a small scale.
I am stronger because of it, but still not the strongest. I have kept some old bad habits, and have learned some new ones. But I did learn a lot about me and what strength really is. No, I cant tell you. There is no manual, or 12 step process. Everyone is born with different strengths, and will develop others. I can tell you, however, some of the things I have deduced from my experience...
Have an 85% solid resolve. Be confident in what you do and say. But don't be so confident that you can not take, hear, or deal with criticisms or advice. You are always trying to do your best, even when you have no clue of what you're are doing. But when you are unwilling to consider others thoughts, you cant win. That does not necessarily mean give in. You have to be able to quickly evaluate the value and risk associated with decisions you make. Take blame when you fail. If you show up late, dont blame traffic (or a faulty red line train), recognize that you didnt consider delays and you left too late. Be open to any ideas when you dont know what you're doing. As silly as they may sound, they may just be right. Recognize the uniqueness in every situation, and dont pre-judge everything because you've seen similar before. Sometimes the difference between regular and great is subtle, and you'll pass it up if you can't recognize the little things.
And thats as far as I got... (Outkast reference... no one else picked up on that...)
SUMMARY: my strength is in my ability to evaluate and adapt, or stay steadfast.... and know when to apply each.
ADVICE: Know yours (strengths) and work to possess others
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
New Name
For those that have been around since the begining (the three of you, and assuming more than those three are reading now...), I've decided to make a name change.
Hfb verbing 1) seemed a little immature. Too much like freshman year in drew hall, when it was first used, and 2) didnt truly discribe the direction my writing seems to be going.
I have come to another crossroads in my life and it seems as though I am nowhere near where I thought I would be in life 10 years ago. But not in a failure kind of way, lol. Just a completely different place then I thought. I'm still on the east coast, I am a completely different field, by choice.
Quick aside, I'm seeing a lot of BEAUTIFUL black women in commercials lately. I just saw a mom in a milk commercial that , uhhh, yea, lets refocus.
This will be my way of keeping up with the misconceptions, truths and revalations of a "not that young anymore" adult trying to find his way. As always, this will be a collaboration of my experiences, experiences of others and relevant hypotheticals... afterall, ya'll dont need to KNOW all of my personal life! Until someone pays me to write, this is the way its gonna be, until I become 30 something.
As always, comments are appreciate. If you think I'm right on, or full orshit cow patties, let me know whatcha think.
Hfb verbing 1) seemed a little immature. Too much like freshman year in drew hall, when it was first used, and 2) didnt truly discribe the direction my writing seems to be going.
I have come to another crossroads in my life and it seems as though I am nowhere near where I thought I would be in life 10 years ago. But not in a failure kind of way, lol. Just a completely different place then I thought. I'm still on the east coast, I am a completely different field, by choice.
Quick aside, I'm seeing a lot of BEAUTIFUL black women in commercials lately. I just saw a mom in a milk commercial that , uhhh, yea, lets refocus.
This will be my way of keeping up with the misconceptions, truths and revalations of a "not that young anymore" adult trying to find his way. As always, this will be a collaboration of my experiences, experiences of others and relevant hypotheticals... afterall, ya'll dont need to KNOW all of my personal life! Until someone pays me to write, this is the way its gonna be, until I become 30 something.
As always, comments are appreciate. If you think I'm right on, or full or
Adults
Lets discuss a few things. I'd like to consider myself a stand up guy, and for the most part, I tend to have a grasp on what is reality. As adults, I would like to think we all have that, but what I think and what is sometimes tend to be polar opposites. So lets get some grown man, logical thoughts out in the open.
Pursuit: As a non-lame dude, I try and take the hints. If I'm calling you, offering to do this and that, planning nice things to do for you and I am not getting much of a response, I'm going to fall back. I am no tupac, dont tease me, i dont enjoy or respond well to that. I'm not saying give me the booty instantly, but dont feel like you need to play hard to get. If you are worth being with, I will appreciate you for that, not because you made me take you out for 2 months and acted uninterested every time. Be you, isnt that what I'm after anyway? If you suddenly become this difficult, boring person, dont get mad when I stop calling you.
Dates/dating: You're cool and I'd like to take you out. As a gentlemen, since I invited you out, I feel like its my duty to take care of that evening. You may not know me well, so I understand if you want to drive yourself rather than have me come pick you up, but outside of that, I've got the evening covered. Depending on how well that evening goes, we may have further communication, and depending on how well that goes, I may requests a second outing. Again, my invitation, its all on me. This is when I tend to make a few observations. Some women think they are slick... if everytime we talk you say you are hungry and suggest some extravagant restaurant, unless you distinctly say you got this one or something along those lines, you're trying to be slick. If you never respond when I hit you up but then hit me up like clockwork the day before we went out last week (we went out wednesday so you hit me up tuesday of next week) and ask if I wanna do something, you're trying to be slick. If you're not feeling me, cool, but this aint about to be your regular solution for that one night out of the week you dont want to cook!
Tests: Plan and Simple, dont test me. You dont like a man to order for you, dont tell me in detail what you want at dinner and wait to see if I try and relay the message to the waiter. You like a man to hold a door open for you, dont rush to the door to see if I'm gonna sprint to beat you there to hold it for you.
Visits: Yes, we are adults. And as adults we set our own curfews. I could chose to stay out til 3am on a tuesday if I want. Thats my right. But if you want to hang out with me at my house, after 10pm mon-thursday, you better not be coming over to watch tv, or just talk. Sure, you could really want to come over and play madden, and you might come at 7 and not leave until 1am. That has happened. But if you leave your house at 10:45 and bring a bag, you need to know that at some point my intentions will be to get amouthful handful of something. This does not apply to out of town guests, unless that has already happened. Nor does this apply to the homies, the forreal homies, and if you dont know if you're a forreal homie, then it would be in you're best interest not to arrive at my house after 10pm just to hang out.
Cute is not an excuse: As I am not a multi-billionaire, I have no intention of having a trophy wife. Even if I was, I doubt I will ever accept a women into my life whose job is to spend my money. Thats what children are for. I had a discussion with some friends a few days ago about tradition roles in a relationship. At one point in my life I was open to whatever. I thought," its the 21st century, women dont have to cook and clean like the once did." LOL. I accepted girlfriends that couldn't cook and didnt clean well. Yet I was still expected to take out the trash, change the blown lights, make more money and kill that spider. Wellshit geez, can I get the daddy piece of chicken and an ironed shirt in return!? I'm not necessarily looking to have you barefoot and preggers ( you can if you want, but there's a long conversation that needs to proceed that) nor do I expect you to do ALL the cleaning and cooking at ALL times. BUT, it does seem that the majority of beautiful women under 30 that i've met feel like they are excused from bringing assets to the table because of their appearance, yet still expect men to get 95+ on their 100 point checklist.
Lastly, ask and you shall receive: Its an age old saying, but is the truth. Obviously there is a time of discovery and somethings are actually better done in that manner, but if there is a specific need or want, say so. No appropriate examples here ;o)
Pursuit: As a non-lame dude, I try and take the hints. If I'm calling you, offering to do this and that, planning nice things to do for you and I am not getting much of a response, I'm going to fall back. I am no tupac, dont tease me, i dont enjoy or respond well to that. I'm not saying give me the booty instantly, but dont feel like you need to play hard to get. If you are worth being with, I will appreciate you for that, not because you made me take you out for 2 months and acted uninterested every time. Be you, isnt that what I'm after anyway? If you suddenly become this difficult, boring person, dont get mad when I stop calling you.
Dates/dating: You're cool and I'd like to take you out. As a gentlemen, since I invited you out, I feel like its my duty to take care of that evening. You may not know me well, so I understand if you want to drive yourself rather than have me come pick you up, but outside of that, I've got the evening covered. Depending on how well that evening goes, we may have further communication, and depending on how well that goes, I may requests a second outing. Again, my invitation, its all on me. This is when I tend to make a few observations. Some women think they are slick... if everytime we talk you say you are hungry and suggest some extravagant restaurant, unless you distinctly say you got this one or something along those lines, you're trying to be slick. If you never respond when I hit you up but then hit me up like clockwork the day before we went out last week (we went out wednesday so you hit me up tuesday of next week) and ask if I wanna do something, you're trying to be slick. If you're not feeling me, cool, but this aint about to be your regular solution for that one night out of the week you dont want to cook!
Tests: Plan and Simple, dont test me. You dont like a man to order for you, dont tell me in detail what you want at dinner and wait to see if I try and relay the message to the waiter. You like a man to hold a door open for you, dont rush to the door to see if I'm gonna sprint to beat you there to hold it for you.
Visits: Yes, we are adults. And as adults we set our own curfews. I could chose to stay out til 3am on a tuesday if I want. Thats my right. But if you want to hang out with me at my house, after 10pm mon-thursday, you better not be coming over to watch tv, or just talk. Sure, you could really want to come over and play madden, and you might come at 7 and not leave until 1am. That has happened. But if you leave your house at 10:45 and bring a bag, you need to know that at some point my intentions will be to get a
Cute is not an excuse: As I am not a multi-billionaire, I have no intention of having a trophy wife. Even if I was, I doubt I will ever accept a women into my life whose job is to spend my money. Thats what children are for. I had a discussion with some friends a few days ago about tradition roles in a relationship. At one point in my life I was open to whatever. I thought," its the 21st century, women dont have to cook and clean like the once did." LOL. I accepted girlfriends that couldn't cook and didnt clean well. Yet I was still expected to take out the trash, change the blown lights, make more money and kill that spider. Well
Lastly, ask and you shall receive: Its an age old saying, but is the truth. Obviously there is a time of discovery and somethings are actually better done in that manner, but if there is a specific need or want, say so. No appropriate examples here ;o)
Friday, July 09, 2010
***DISCLAIMER***
I truly hope that the topics I discuss are relevant to those that read them and can provide some insight, or at least console those that feel like they may be going through something alone, when in actuality, we are all dealing with things the best we can.
BUT
This is for me. It is easy to say the right thing, but doing is completely different. I use these as a way to gather my thoughts and advise MYSELF only. I do not, at any point, feel like I am qualified to solve anyone else's problems or issues. I do believe that I can offer my own personal insight and suggest different avenues for one to approach the issues, but I do not have any answers, as you can see from all the issues I have!
Just putting it out there.
BUT
This is for me. It is easy to say the right thing, but doing is completely different. I use these as a way to gather my thoughts and advise MYSELF only. I do not, at any point, feel like I am qualified to solve anyone else's problems or issues. I do believe that I can offer my own personal insight and suggest different avenues for one to approach the issues, but I do not have any answers, as you can see from all the issues I have!
Just putting it out there.
revolving door
Recently I have experienced a great deal of change in my life. Where I live, what I do day to day. What my goals are. Beliefs, practices, whatever. But the change that I have had the most trouble with is people. Some have come, some have gone.
We all have heard that people come and go from our lives for a reason. But sometimes I have to believe that there are people worth fighting for.
Which is what I am struggling the most with. I cant determine when I should simply watch someone walk out of my life, and when I should fight for them. Obviously anyone that I contemplate fighting for has had some sort of significance in my life, but what kind of significance justifies the effort? How can I determine the lasting value of a person in my life, or even the value that I may have to them?
I believe God gives us opportunities to grow with every trial we face. I only struggle with trying to determine what that lesson is. I may think initially that the lesson is to learn how to let things go, how to allow a bad situation be just that, understand that it is an unnecessary stress and walk away. But then I may feel like my lesson is to exhibit patience and tolerance. Learn to better deal with things and potentially make a change, not only in myself, but within whoever else is in the situation. Thats by far my favorite, since I like helping people.
Like anyone else, sometimes I get lonely. I have an ex that is still around that I genuinely want to be friends with. But do I keep her around for convenience, or because I actually want to be her friend? I am friends with most of my exes actually. But there is one in particular that I feel only hits me up when the next dude is failing, like a backup. Its crazy, or maybe I am, but I dont think she even realizes what she is doing half the time. I don't want to be that person who keeps people around just in case. So, though I feeling like I have only the best intentions, I dont want to do to my most recent ex, what I feel like that one particular ex is doing to me.
I had a fall out with someone who I was very close to a few years back. In the last few months or so, we began speaking again. And while we arent as close as we were, I do feel like we're in a decent place. I tend to be a pretty understanding person, and I try to acknowledge my role in every situation. I once had a woman chase me down the highway. And while that will never be 100% justified, I try to admit to some of the things that I may have said or done to have brought that on. IN NO WAY IS THAT EVER THE CORRECT RESPONSE TO ANYTHING. I can see how being completely honest with someone can backfire though! Which leads me to someone recently thatwalked out stormed out of my life. I think I may have actually tried everything with this person. Ignore them, tried to rationalize, tried to talk, yelled, cussed, apologized, played nice, the whole 9. But I could not, for the life of me, figure out why someone would be brought into my life and be one of the coolest people I have ever met for almost exactly 60 days, and then drastically turn into the president of the anti-hb3 club. I'm sure there's a lesson there, I just havent figured it out.
To sum it all up though... people come and go. Some will leave a bad taste in your mouth, and some will leave love and joy in your heart. Most you will forget and some you will take with you everywhere you go. Be kind to all, but be cautious of those you let close. They will inevitably leave something with you that can effect who you are for the rest of your life, positively or negatively. Take whatever you can from each experience and do your best to give twice as much. Being a great friend is hard work, but when you find someone who's trying as hard as you are, its all worth it.
We all have heard that people come and go from our lives for a reason. But sometimes I have to believe that there are people worth fighting for.
Which is what I am struggling the most with. I cant determine when I should simply watch someone walk out of my life, and when I should fight for them. Obviously anyone that I contemplate fighting for has had some sort of significance in my life, but what kind of significance justifies the effort? How can I determine the lasting value of a person in my life, or even the value that I may have to them?
I believe God gives us opportunities to grow with every trial we face. I only struggle with trying to determine what that lesson is. I may think initially that the lesson is to learn how to let things go, how to allow a bad situation be just that, understand that it is an unnecessary stress and walk away. But then I may feel like my lesson is to exhibit patience and tolerance. Learn to better deal with things and potentially make a change, not only in myself, but within whoever else is in the situation. Thats by far my favorite, since I like helping people.
Like anyone else, sometimes I get lonely. I have an ex that is still around that I genuinely want to be friends with. But do I keep her around for convenience, or because I actually want to be her friend? I am friends with most of my exes actually. But there is one in particular that I feel only hits me up when the next dude is failing, like a backup. Its crazy, or maybe I am, but I dont think she even realizes what she is doing half the time. I don't want to be that person who keeps people around just in case. So, though I feeling like I have only the best intentions, I dont want to do to my most recent ex, what I feel like that one particular ex is doing to me.
I had a fall out with someone who I was very close to a few years back. In the last few months or so, we began speaking again. And while we arent as close as we were, I do feel like we're in a decent place. I tend to be a pretty understanding person, and I try to acknowledge my role in every situation. I once had a woman chase me down the highway. And while that will never be 100% justified, I try to admit to some of the things that I may have said or done to have brought that on. IN NO WAY IS THAT EVER THE CORRECT RESPONSE TO ANYTHING. I can see how being completely honest with someone can backfire though! Which leads me to someone recently that
To sum it all up though... people come and go. Some will leave a bad taste in your mouth, and some will leave love and joy in your heart. Most you will forget and some you will take with you everywhere you go. Be kind to all, but be cautious of those you let close. They will inevitably leave something with you that can effect who you are for the rest of your life, positively or negatively. Take whatever you can from each experience and do your best to give twice as much. Being a great friend is hard work, but when you find someone who's trying as hard as you are, its all worth it.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
me (the bad)
I am EXCEPTIONALLY lazy. I want a dog. I have a home visit set for today. I knew about it on sunday. I have yet to clean my house. Now, its not a huge deal, but I could have easily started days ago. And I tried. I started cleaning on monday... but I saw a spider web and couldnt immediately find like a duster or something to get them all, so I sat down and played video games.
I am a user. Of people, not drugs. If I know you like to clean, I'll invite you over when my house is a mess. Same for cooking. I will justify this by saying that if you have something you want built/put together, i.e., an ikea dresser, Im on it. I like doing it and will get up out of my laziness to do it. I'm getting better at doing things for myself, like cleaning... not cooking though.
I spend too much money. But not on myself. I'll take you out, buy you drinks and all that. I like to make sure everyone is having a great time, and usually this involves me spending money. I have bottles at home, video games entertain me and soon I'll have a dog. Aside from some clothes here and there, I'm good, but if I care about you, I'll probably blindly spend money, especially the weekends i get paid lol. O, but I do expect some sort of compensation, even if its just a good friendship. Sounds like BS, lol, I know, but its true.
I hate when people have the wrong impression of me, almost to the point where I will fight you over it. Like, I'll punch you in the face if you think I'm not a nice guy.
I also hate when people try and disguise their real feelings with an opposite overreaction. Someone hurt your feelings, but instead of letting that out, you push it down and become this loud, irrational, diss machine that has a sharper tongue than ... i dont know, something sharp. I cant stand that... but we're getting off topic.
I want things now. I want to go to the gym for a week and be stronger/faster/less fatter?. I want people to come to me so I can sell them houses/sell their house.
I am a jack of all trades, and a master of none. I'm good at a lot, but not particularly great at anything. Well, anything that I can get paid to do. Atleast not at my current experience level.
I will sit in the house all day and do nothing. I might even invite others over, and depending on how comfortable I am with those others, I wont say a word. (more comfort, less words). Not necessarily a bad thing, but some people get offended. Like I dont want to go out with them. Or some other assumption.
In addition to that, I am a great conversationalist... when someone else engages me. If you dont speak first, we may not speak at all. If I speak first, I've probably been drinking, lol.
Procrastinator extraordinaire. Which is why im going to stop here and get back to what I should be doing...
I am a user. Of people, not drugs. If I know you like to clean, I'll invite you over when my house is a mess. Same for cooking. I will justify this by saying that if you have something you want built/put together, i.e., an ikea dresser, Im on it. I like doing it and will get up out of my laziness to do it. I'm getting better at doing things for myself, like cleaning... not cooking though.
I spend too much money. But not on myself. I'll take you out, buy you drinks and all that. I like to make sure everyone is having a great time, and usually this involves me spending money. I have bottles at home, video games entertain me and soon I'll have a dog. Aside from some clothes here and there, I'm good, but if I care about you, I'll probably blindly spend money, especially the weekends i get paid lol. O, but I do expect some sort of compensation, even if its just a good friendship. Sounds like BS, lol, I know, but its true.
I hate when people have the wrong impression of me, almost to the point where I will fight you over it. Like, I'll punch you in the face if you think I'm not a nice guy.
I also hate when people try and disguise their real feelings with an opposite overreaction. Someone hurt your feelings, but instead of letting that out, you push it down and become this loud, irrational, diss machine that has a sharper tongue than ... i dont know, something sharp. I cant stand that... but we're getting off topic.
I want things now. I want to go to the gym for a week and be stronger/faster/less fatter?. I want people to come to me so I can sell them houses/sell their house.
I am a jack of all trades, and a master of none. I'm good at a lot, but not particularly great at anything. Well, anything that I can get paid to do. Atleast not at my current experience level.
I will sit in the house all day and do nothing. I might even invite others over, and depending on how comfortable I am with those others, I wont say a word. (more comfort, less words). Not necessarily a bad thing, but some people get offended. Like I dont want to go out with them. Or some other assumption.
In addition to that, I am a great conversationalist... when someone else engages me. If you dont speak first, we may not speak at all. If I speak first, I've probably been drinking, lol.
Procrastinator extraordinaire. Which is why im going to stop here and get back to what I should be doing...
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Sex, Love and Relationships
Just a quick overview of the three and how they can relate in the perspective of one male specimen.
Relationships. There are two main categories here. Sexual and Non sexual. But these categories can be broken down further.
Sexual Relationship Types-
- My boo
- A person I have sex with.
My boo is pretty obvious. This is a person that I am in an active relationship with. Within this relationship, there will be some recognizable traits of love, for me at least.
Now a person I have sex with is a little more complicated. There are two types of people that can fit into this group. One who I had previously shared a non-sexual relationship with, and one who I had sex with and developed a sexual relationship. These situations have the potential to escalate into a boo scenario. They can also remain in one of two states. Someone I am cool with that I may occasionally have sex with, and someone I have sex with that I might occasionally hangout with. It is literally that simple. In most cases, I know where you reside and will let you know if you have any questions about your position.
Non-Sexual Relationship Types-
- Family
- Like Family
- Friend
Family, is just that. No explanation needed.
Like family are those that I love and respect as dearly as my God-given family. Only difference is that I hand picked them myself.
Friends. I consider almost everyone I know, and get along with, a friend. I guess this would be what most people would call an associate. But in an effort to be nice to everyone, I just call everyone friend. Those I am closest to, would fit into the aforementioned group.
Exceptions. I have a few ex girlfriends that I would consider like family. I have had like family friends that are only there because they chose to be; they could easily go to boo.
Love
Who you love is not a choice. If you think you can pick and chose who you love, you probably have never experienced true love. That is how I distinguish between my friends and my like family folks. That is how I decide to move a person I have sex with to a boo. While it may or may not be full blown love, there are tale-tale signs that indicate to me that that is what's happening.
Sex
It seems that this is the most confusing. Let me start of by saying that this includes all sexually driven activity; i.e., kissing. I am a man. As a man, I have a natural desire to...uhhh... "plant seed." If a woman I find worthy of said seed shows ANY sign of willingness to receiving said seed, I will engage. No, that doesnt mean I will just jump on that. What it does mean is that will talk, flirt and do whatever else i deem necessary to further determine the merit of her candidacy; UNLESS, I have a reason not to such as a personal agenda that this may effect negatively, or another woman that I am actively pursuing.
Through reading this, I hope that you noticed a few things.
1) Sex stands alone. With Love and Relationships, there is potential for overlap within all three areas. But when sex is the initial subject, there is not relation to the other two. Moral of this story. If one just wants to have sex with you, thats what it is, just sex. If one seeks a relationship or love, sex is still on the table, but not necessarily a driving factor.
2) Roles are not constants. They must be discussed. One may want to be in a relationship with you, but in 30 days, you may have done something to change that... but that doesnt mean that person wouldn't let you hold some of their spludge if given the chance! In addition, the desire to do so is not ones attempt to lead anyone on. Within any relationship type, communication is Key.
While this is just an account from one man, I'd like to believe that the lessons learned here are universal.
Relationships. There are two main categories here. Sexual and Non sexual. But these categories can be broken down further.
Sexual Relationship Types-
- My boo
- A person I have sex with.
My boo is pretty obvious. This is a person that I am in an active relationship with. Within this relationship, there will be some recognizable traits of love, for me at least.
Now a person I have sex with is a little more complicated. There are two types of people that can fit into this group. One who I had previously shared a non-sexual relationship with, and one who I had sex with and developed a sexual relationship. These situations have the potential to escalate into a boo scenario. They can also remain in one of two states. Someone I am cool with that I may occasionally have sex with, and someone I have sex with that I might occasionally hangout with. It is literally that simple. In most cases, I know where you reside and will let you know if you have any questions about your position.
Non-Sexual Relationship Types-
- Family
- Like Family
- Friend
Family, is just that. No explanation needed.
Like family are those that I love and respect as dearly as my God-given family. Only difference is that I hand picked them myself.
Friends. I consider almost everyone I know, and get along with, a friend. I guess this would be what most people would call an associate. But in an effort to be nice to everyone, I just call everyone friend. Those I am closest to, would fit into the aforementioned group.
Exceptions. I have a few ex girlfriends that I would consider like family. I have had like family friends that are only there because they chose to be; they could easily go to boo.
Love
Who you love is not a choice. If you think you can pick and chose who you love, you probably have never experienced true love. That is how I distinguish between my friends and my like family folks. That is how I decide to move a person I have sex with to a boo. While it may or may not be full blown love, there are tale-tale signs that indicate to me that that is what's happening.
Sex
It seems that this is the most confusing. Let me start of by saying that this includes all sexually driven activity; i.e., kissing. I am a man. As a man, I have a natural desire to...uhhh... "plant seed." If a woman I find worthy of said seed shows ANY sign of willingness to receiving said seed, I will engage. No, that doesnt mean I will just jump on that. What it does mean is that will talk, flirt and do whatever else i deem necessary to further determine the merit of her candidacy; UNLESS, I have a reason not to such as a personal agenda that this may effect negatively, or another woman that I am actively pursuing.
Through reading this, I hope that you noticed a few things.
1) Sex stands alone. With Love and Relationships, there is potential for overlap within all three areas. But when sex is the initial subject, there is not relation to the other two. Moral of this story. If one just wants to have sex with you, thats what it is, just sex. If one seeks a relationship or love, sex is still on the table, but not necessarily a driving factor.
2) Roles are not constants. They must be discussed. One may want to be in a relationship with you, but in 30 days, you may have done something to change that... but that doesnt mean that person wouldn't let you hold some of their spludge if given the chance! In addition, the desire to do so is not ones attempt to lead anyone on. Within any relationship type, communication is Key.
While this is just an account from one man, I'd like to believe that the lessons learned here are universal.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Misguided Ghosts
Video is at the bottom if you want to stop the auto-playback...
It is very easy to run. To avoid the things that we don't understand. To steer clear of the things that have hurt is in the past. It's in fact, instinctual. We are creatures of habit.
I believe that some of these habits/instincts, can actually be harmful to our person well-being, especially those that cause us to generalize. I have made major life changes at times because of these instincts. I moved literally from coast to coast to avoid a situation that I thought would be inevitable if I remained where I was, all because of the ghost of bad experiences. I have heard that who we are is simply a personal interpretation of the collection of our experiences. You experience, you learn, you adapt. But at times, a particular experience, or small collection of experiences can have such a negative effect on us, that they override the logical process of evaluating our experiences as a collective, consideration all scenarios and outcomes, and forces us to draw a false conclusion. A conclusion that is based on the overwhelming pain/grief/fear from one instance that had such an impact that it distorts our view/opinion of any life situation we face that we deem comparable in the future. Though the characters may be different, the scenario, and even our own personal outlook on life, we remain haunted, and will make misguided decisions that we may believe will protect us from ever experiencing such hardships again.
I once had a alter-ego, or alternate persona that I would turn on and off to deal with some of the things I have faced in my life. I had a habit of shutting down. I don't know if this is a curable character flaw, but I was given the option of fight or flight, and I'm personally tired of running. Maybe I'm running from my resolution. Maybe there is no resolution. For now, I will do my best to recognize when I am being misguided by the ghosts that haunt me and stop them. I will not always succeed. I may not catch it in time to actually make a difference, but I will always try.
I dont always know what to say, or how to say it, but this song gave me a bit of direction and inspired me to write this.
Hope it helps
{Verse 1}
I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes
{Chorus}
And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction
'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles
{Verse 2}
Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
{Chorus}
And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles
It is very easy to run. To avoid the things that we don't understand. To steer clear of the things that have hurt is in the past. It's in fact, instinctual. We are creatures of habit.
I believe that some of these habits/instincts, can actually be harmful to our person well-being, especially those that cause us to generalize. I have made major life changes at times because of these instincts. I moved literally from coast to coast to avoid a situation that I thought would be inevitable if I remained where I was, all because of the ghost of bad experiences. I have heard that who we are is simply a personal interpretation of the collection of our experiences. You experience, you learn, you adapt. But at times, a particular experience, or small collection of experiences can have such a negative effect on us, that they override the logical process of evaluating our experiences as a collective, consideration all scenarios and outcomes, and forces us to draw a false conclusion. A conclusion that is based on the overwhelming pain/grief/fear from one instance that had such an impact that it distorts our view/opinion of any life situation we face that we deem comparable in the future. Though the characters may be different, the scenario, and even our own personal outlook on life, we remain haunted, and will make misguided decisions that we may believe will protect us from ever experiencing such hardships again.
I once had a alter-ego, or alternate persona that I would turn on and off to deal with some of the things I have faced in my life. I had a habit of shutting down. I don't know if this is a curable character flaw, but I was given the option of fight or flight, and I'm personally tired of running. Maybe I'm running from my resolution. Maybe there is no resolution. For now, I will do my best to recognize when I am being misguided by the ghosts that haunt me and stop them. I will not always succeed. I may not catch it in time to actually make a difference, but I will always try.
I dont always know what to say, or how to say it, but this song gave me a bit of direction and inspired me to write this.
Hope it helps
{Verse 1}
I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes
{Chorus}
And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction
'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles
{Verse 2}
Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
{Chorus}
And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles
Lessons Learned #1
I have lived. Therefore I have experienced and learned. We all have. This is my effort to analysis what I have experienced and determine what the true lesson in these experiences should be. There are assumed lessons we grab ahold to in an effort to protect ourselves. "Such and such cheated", so your assumed lesson is that all men do and not to trust men. "She spazed on me", so your assumed lesson is that all women are crazy. There is always an underlining truth that can be applied to your life somehow. Sometimes it is a lesson on the opposite sex, but 9 times out 9, its a reflection of you that you may need to examine.
As I stated before, I've had my experiences, and I've come to my own conclusions. But I want to re-examine some of them, to make sure I came to a reasonable conclusion, and also to re-enforces some of the lessons that I mat have neglected recently.
Lesson One: Untitled
(I struggled with a title for this lesson for a while, but determined that it can be applied in so many different ways, that it would be unfair to classify it in only one. While it mostly deals with casual relationships, it can easily go into a more serious one that has had its fair share of turmoil... trust me, I speak from experience)
In recently events, and events gone by, I have had the uncanny ability to separate what I say(read: how I feel) from what I do. Unlike some who do it just because they can, I try and only use that ability when it serves a purpose. I have been in the process of trying to understand myself better, and in an effort to do so, I have vowed not to pursue any type of relationship. At the beginning of this processes, I was still trying to figure out what all the rules were. Initially I figured, as long I told people what was up, everything should be alright. So I would be very upfront; we're just friends, if we hang out, chill, do whatever, we are just friends. Me being the guy that I am, I like to chill out on the couch, watch a movie, cuddle and all that soft stuff at times. Thats just me. But this can be read wrong. So, while I thought the rules were laid out, apparently I was breaking all of them. So I tried another approach. I wouldnt hang out and chill. I wouldnt call to see what you were doing. But I wasnt completely distant. I answered the phone, I responded to texts, I might go out as a group every now and then. And I would answer questions. Which leads to Rule 1.2, if you are asked if a question can be asked, so no. It might be weird, but the question will only get you in trouble. I digress. I would get questions like, do you miss me, do you not like hanging out with me, do you think we would talk if you werent doing what you're doing now? And I would do my best to answer honestly, because in this situation, it doesnt really matter what you say, so why not tell the truth. Not that I believe women are TRYING to trap you, but there is NO possible winning answer unless you plan on changing that day and being with the girl. If you say yes, to any of the aforementioned questions, then you could potentially be leading someone on. If you say no, then your an asshole and must explain why you keep letting someone come around you if you dont really like their presence.
Each lesson provides a dilemma and a solution. "I see the dilemma, but how do I resolve it?" Well, I am glad you asked. The answer all depends on you. You have to know yourself. You have to know what you can and cannot deal with. It took me a long time to find my answer for this question, but I have now. So, I'll tell you what works for me and why.
I have chosen to be upfront and honest with people, with a regularly scheduled revisit of the facts. I know me. I'm prone to catch feelings. I have far more control of it then I have had in the past, but it still happens. I can say one thing today, and in 10 days, fell a different way. This route, of honesty, allows me to be who I am, and still be able to sleep at night after my actions have an undesirable affect. You see, after I cross examine my actions, if I find that I did nothing that directly contradicted whatever I said while being upfront and honest, then I can rest easy knowing that I never did anything beyond that, no matter how the other person perceives it. I hate to be the bad guy, I do. I will do all I can to make sure that I clarify any misconceptions about myself. I wish everybody liked me all the time, but when the status of jerk-face is undeserved, I have a much easier time accepting that that situation must not have been for me.
Moral of the story, be real with yourself. Accept who you are, and hope to find someone who can accept you too.
As I stated before, I've had my experiences, and I've come to my own conclusions. But I want to re-examine some of them, to make sure I came to a reasonable conclusion, and also to re-enforces some of the lessons that I mat have neglected recently.
Lesson One: Untitled
(I struggled with a title for this lesson for a while, but determined that it can be applied in so many different ways, that it would be unfair to classify it in only one. While it mostly deals with casual relationships, it can easily go into a more serious one that has had its fair share of turmoil... trust me, I speak from experience)
In recently events, and events gone by, I have had the uncanny ability to separate what I say(read: how I feel) from what I do. Unlike some who do it just because they can, I try and only use that ability when it serves a purpose. I have been in the process of trying to understand myself better, and in an effort to do so, I have vowed not to pursue any type of relationship. At the beginning of this processes, I was still trying to figure out what all the rules were. Initially I figured, as long I told people what was up, everything should be alright. So I would be very upfront; we're just friends, if we hang out, chill, do whatever, we are just friends. Me being the guy that I am, I like to chill out on the couch, watch a movie, cuddle and all that soft stuff at times. Thats just me. But this can be read wrong. So, while I thought the rules were laid out, apparently I was breaking all of them. So I tried another approach. I wouldnt hang out and chill. I wouldnt call to see what you were doing. But I wasnt completely distant. I answered the phone, I responded to texts, I might go out as a group every now and then. And I would answer questions. Which leads to Rule 1.2, if you are asked if a question can be asked, so no. It might be weird, but the question will only get you in trouble. I digress. I would get questions like, do you miss me, do you not like hanging out with me, do you think we would talk if you werent doing what you're doing now? And I would do my best to answer honestly, because in this situation, it doesnt really matter what you say, so why not tell the truth. Not that I believe women are TRYING to trap you, but there is NO possible winning answer unless you plan on changing that day and being with the girl. If you say yes, to any of the aforementioned questions, then you could potentially be leading someone on. If you say no, then your an asshole and must explain why you keep letting someone come around you if you dont really like their presence.
Each lesson provides a dilemma and a solution. "I see the dilemma, but how do I resolve it?" Well, I am glad you asked. The answer all depends on you. You have to know yourself. You have to know what you can and cannot deal with. It took me a long time to find my answer for this question, but I have now. So, I'll tell you what works for me and why.
I have chosen to be upfront and honest with people, with a regularly scheduled revisit of the facts. I know me. I'm prone to catch feelings. I have far more control of it then I have had in the past, but it still happens. I can say one thing today, and in 10 days, fell a different way. This route, of honesty, allows me to be who I am, and still be able to sleep at night after my actions have an undesirable affect. You see, after I cross examine my actions, if I find that I did nothing that directly contradicted whatever I said while being upfront and honest, then I can rest easy knowing that I never did anything beyond that, no matter how the other person perceives it. I hate to be the bad guy, I do. I will do all I can to make sure that I clarify any misconceptions about myself. I wish everybody liked me all the time, but when the status of jerk-face is undeserved, I have a much easier time accepting that that situation must not have been for me.
Moral of the story, be real with yourself. Accept who you are, and hope to find someone who can accept you too.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Truth
I consider myself a pretty honest person. Sometimes too much so for the liking of others. But I find that there are multiple levels of truth. One is able to ignore some truths to make other truths more relevant, or hold a greater impact to justify ones actions. Like, I didnt spend any money last week at the club, so I should have extra money to buy whatever the hotness is. Ignoring the fact that you just got a tax adjustment that says you owe the IRS $600 more because of something you didnt claim 3 years ago. (Sidenote: you might get away with it today, but the IRS will find you, believe me). Peoples feelings can also impact the type of truth we give/receive. You dont want to tell your kids they can't be president one day because they arent smart enough (and after G-Dubb, that may not even be an issue). You also might not want to tell your booty call they have no chance of being with you for fear of losing that guaranteed action! But how do you determine what kind of truth to tell?
Me personally, I'm tired of it. So for as long as I can, I'm going to do my best to tell the absolute truth. So if you're reading this, and you want to know something, here's your chance...
Me personally, I'm tired of it. So for as long as I can, I'm going to do my best to tell the absolute truth. So if you're reading this, and you want to know something, here's your chance...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Loyalty and Friendship
Busy Day. As you probably figured, I'm dealing with a few things today, lol. One thing I do is try to work through all possible scenarios of a situation so I can decide what will be my best course of action. But it doesnt stop there. I let the situation play out some so that I can re-evaluate, check the new facts against my hypothesis and make any necessary adjustments and/or regroup. In the course of doing that, I came across a scenario I find prevalent, especially amongst the female gender.
Lets start out by saying what friendship and loyalty is NOT. I may not have a cut and dry definition of what they are, but I damn sure know what they are not.
1) They are not blind. You are not a true friend if you blindly take the side of the one you call your friend. If they are wrong, you tell them. If they are over reacting or doing too much, you tell them. You dont embrace them, but you let them know when they are in the wrong. After all, you are their friend, who else would know the, better?
2)They are not exclusive. You best guy friend dates your best girl friend. They dont work out. Foul play on one side or the other, or neither, should not end your friendship with either. Their may be adjustments to make, there may be a conversation or two that need to be had, but friends see each other through hard times, even if that friend brought hardship on themselves.
3)They are not pushovers. You have a friend with a problem they cant get over. No matter how hard you try, how much advice or anything else you do for them, they cant get passed it. It is not your job as the friend to be there forever. Its not. You cant change someone. Now hopefully it doesnt result in you losing a friend, but you cant stop living your life because they have an issue they refuse to get through. Anytime I've faced this dilemma, it was only for a very short time that I had to cut that friend off. They got it. I'd like to think that they got it because they realized that I have nothing but their best intention at heart, and if I felt like I had to remove myself from the situation, they would re-evaluate the situation because they realized my value as a friend greatly outweighed whatever the issue they were having was... run on sentence... My bad.
4)They are not close-minded. I only have 2 people I would consider very good friends right now. And its for no other reason than what I can say to them. At my best, at my worst, at my most cynical, my most illogical and my most needed, they get me. The know me. They understand what I may be going through that may make me say or feel however it is that I'm feeling. No they don't always know what to say, or agree with me. But I know whatever it is, its never out of judgment. They will keep me grounded if I needed it, can give me space when I demand it, and know when to shut me up when I cant control it.
Now take the opposite of that and try to embody that and you might one day be as good of a friend as I am. For now, test me and I know you'll be in for a great surprise. Just dont play me. I dont handle that well...
Lets start out by saying what friendship and loyalty is NOT. I may not have a cut and dry definition of what they are, but I damn sure know what they are not.
1) They are not blind. You are not a true friend if you blindly take the side of the one you call your friend. If they are wrong, you tell them. If they are over reacting or doing too much, you tell them. You dont embrace them, but you let them know when they are in the wrong. After all, you are their friend, who else would know the, better?
2)They are not exclusive. You best guy friend dates your best girl friend. They dont work out. Foul play on one side or the other, or neither, should not end your friendship with either. Their may be adjustments to make, there may be a conversation or two that need to be had, but friends see each other through hard times, even if that friend brought hardship on themselves.
3)They are not pushovers. You have a friend with a problem they cant get over. No matter how hard you try, how much advice or anything else you do for them, they cant get passed it. It is not your job as the friend to be there forever. Its not. You cant change someone. Now hopefully it doesnt result in you losing a friend, but you cant stop living your life because they have an issue they refuse to get through. Anytime I've faced this dilemma, it was only for a very short time that I had to cut that friend off. They got it. I'd like to think that they got it because they realized that I have nothing but their best intention at heart, and if I felt like I had to remove myself from the situation, they would re-evaluate the situation because they realized my value as a friend greatly outweighed whatever the issue they were having was... run on sentence... My bad.
4)They are not close-minded. I only have 2 people I would consider very good friends right now. And its for no other reason than what I can say to them. At my best, at my worst, at my most cynical, my most illogical and my most needed, they get me. The know me. They understand what I may be going through that may make me say or feel however it is that I'm feeling. No they don't always know what to say, or agree with me. But I know whatever it is, its never out of judgment. They will keep me grounded if I needed it, can give me space when I demand it, and know when to shut me up when I cant control it.
Now take the opposite of that and try to embody that and you might one day be as good of a friend as I am. For now, test me and I know you'll be in for a great surprise. Just dont play me. I dont handle that well...
Is wayne brady gonna have to smack a ...
I'm no pimp like Wayne Brady, but sometimes I too have the urge to want to smack someone. Here are a few reasons why.
ASSUMPTIONS. The easiest thing in the world to do is ask a question. If I dont answer, if I tell you thats not your place to ask, if I completely ignore you, so be it. But you asked. I have dealt with people that will have a legitimate question, but will refuse to ask. Furthermore, they draw some ridiculous conclusion based on nothing but and then assume some outlandish course of action that leaves me baffled. And it all could have been avoided by a 30 second string of questions and answers. You dont like me, you dont wanna hang out with me, you're mad at me. WTF are you talking about. 9 times out of 10, I wasnt, but now I am.
Assumptions part 2. You know, the ones that come with pre conceived conclusions. They ask you the question they asked in the first place, but arent really looking for an answer from you. They already have your answer in their head, but so they wouldn't look like they were assuming they ask you, just as a courtesy, but really dont give a damn what you say. That is still assuming!
Be Real. Everyone likes to do something. You may like ballets. I like video games. You may like to go out for quiet evenings at a restaurant. I may like sitting in a movies for 6 hrs, sneaking in to different theatres. You want to do something, say it. Simple as that. But when you come at me like... " Do you want to go see that new movie you've been talking about or go get some food?", my response will usually be,"We can swing by wendys on the way to the movies." Now you're mad at me because you wanted to dress up and go to M&S Grill and I didnt even ask you what you wanted to do. Problem is, you didnt tell me.
Better yet, you want to come over/have me come over. But this is the conversation we have...
You: whatcha doing tonight
Me: no plans, whats up
You: nothing, im just home chilln too
Me: o ok. I'm prolly gonna play around with this guitar or play this new game that came in the mail
You: o ok, have fun.
And then your mad. How about this here. Its real simple, I promise.
You: whatcha doing tonight
Me: no plans, whats up
You: nothing really, I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out
Me: I dont really feel like going out, but we can chill here or there
You: ok, sounds good, lets set it up
Done and done. See how that changes everything. ESPECIALLY if i dont have plans. Seems logical right? I know you dont agree or else this wouldnt be a pet peeve because y'all would just do it! WOOOOSAH
BE REAL, part duex. Dont set a precedence that you dont intend to uphold. Dont come to my house cooking your first time over if you dont plan to come and cook regularly. If you do it the first three times your here, dont be upset when I ask about my dinner on your next visit. Dont get me wrong, I'll buy the food, spices, whatever you need, but I do expect some sort of meal prepared. And that does apply in other areas as well. O_O
You are no longer a guest if you live in town and visit me house more than four times a month. After that first month, you should know where I keep the glasses and you know very well whats in the fridge. Unless I am up, dont ask me to get you stuff. If we're both sitting on the couch, dont ask me to get up out of my comfort to grab you a glass of water. You aint no guest. Again, this is for regulars. If you live out of state and have only been by twice, ask and you shall receive. But once that new guest smell wears off, you on your own.
Now that I've told you these things I shouldnt have to remind you everyday. Thats another pet peeve. I hate repeating myself. If I find that I have to do this regularly, I just gonna let you think what you want. Its my job to let you know whats up, not to have to beat it into you until you choose to get it.
More coming soon...
ASSUMPTIONS. The easiest thing in the world to do is ask a question. If I dont answer, if I tell you thats not your place to ask, if I completely ignore you, so be it. But you asked. I have dealt with people that will have a legitimate question, but will refuse to ask. Furthermore, they draw some ridiculous conclusion based on nothing but and then assume some outlandish course of action that leaves me baffled. And it all could have been avoided by a 30 second string of questions and answers. You dont like me, you dont wanna hang out with me, you're mad at me. WTF are you talking about. 9 times out of 10, I wasnt, but now I am.
Assumptions part 2. You know, the ones that come with pre conceived conclusions. They ask you the question they asked in the first place, but arent really looking for an answer from you. They already have your answer in their head, but so they wouldn't look like they were assuming they ask you, just as a courtesy, but really dont give a damn what you say. That is still assuming!
Be Real. Everyone likes to do something. You may like ballets. I like video games. You may like to go out for quiet evenings at a restaurant. I may like sitting in a movies for 6 hrs, sneaking in to different theatres. You want to do something, say it. Simple as that. But when you come at me like... " Do you want to go see that new movie you've been talking about or go get some food?", my response will usually be,"We can swing by wendys on the way to the movies." Now you're mad at me because you wanted to dress up and go to M&S Grill and I didnt even ask you what you wanted to do. Problem is, you didnt tell me.
Better yet, you want to come over/have me come over. But this is the conversation we have...
You: whatcha doing tonight
Me: no plans, whats up
You: nothing, im just home chilln too
Me: o ok. I'm prolly gonna play around with this guitar or play this new game that came in the mail
You: o ok, have fun.
And then your mad. How about this here. Its real simple, I promise.
You: whatcha doing tonight
Me: no plans, whats up
You: nothing really, I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out
Me: I dont really feel like going out, but we can chill here or there
You: ok, sounds good, lets set it up
Done and done. See how that changes everything. ESPECIALLY if i dont have plans. Seems logical right? I know you dont agree or else this wouldnt be a pet peeve because y'all would just do it! WOOOOSAH
BE REAL, part duex. Dont set a precedence that you dont intend to uphold. Dont come to my house cooking your first time over if you dont plan to come and cook regularly. If you do it the first three times your here, dont be upset when I ask about my dinner on your next visit. Dont get me wrong, I'll buy the food, spices, whatever you need, but I do expect some sort of meal prepared. And that does apply in other areas as well. O_O
You are no longer a guest if you live in town and visit me house more than four times a month. After that first month, you should know where I keep the glasses and you know very well whats in the fridge. Unless I am up, dont ask me to get you stuff. If we're both sitting on the couch, dont ask me to get up out of my comfort to grab you a glass of water. You aint no guest. Again, this is for regulars. If you live out of state and have only been by twice, ask and you shall receive. But once that new guest smell wears off, you on your own.
Now that I've told you these things I shouldnt have to remind you everyday. Thats another pet peeve. I hate repeating myself. If I find that I have to do this regularly, I just gonna let you think what you want. Its my job to let you know whats up, not to have to beat it into you until you choose to get it.
More coming soon...
Set Apart
Everyone is unique. Everyone is an individual. But not because of specific traits. The complete package is what sets us apart. I sure I dont do any particular thing that makes me any different from anyone else, but the collection of my experiences, my faith, my morals, and my short comings define me like none other.
For those that don't know me, I want to touch on somethings that I think people should know about me. Some good, some bad, some just facts. We've been discussing relationships a lot and I want to go a little deeper. We've mostly talked about surface things, but if you dont know/cant deal with the little quirks a person has, it could lead to an unnecessary amount of stress. So here are mine!
I am very loyal. EXTREMELY. Most times it is a positive trait, but other times it can be taken the wrong way. Anyone that I truly consider a friend, I will pretty much do anything for, as long as I don't feel that I am being taken advantage of. I could really like someone, be out with them, but if I get a 911 text from a close friend, I'm on it, and I hope the other person understands. I feel like I lost a great girl over that once upon a time.
Contrarily, once I gave you my loyalty and you lose it... lets just say I can be not so nice. I become very short, cynical, easily annoyed and pretty much all-around unpleasant. Now that I know that about myself, I try, but have yet to successfully lose faith in a person and still treat them like a true friend.
I am a multi-tasking dynamo. Whether it be working and watching the world cup, or playing video games and listening to you talk. I can do it, and usually I will try to. So dont assume I'm not listening to you. But also, dont be mad at me if you decided to try and talk to me while I'm playing Halo. That was a personal choice on your part.
I am not a phone person. I dont want to talk on the phone with you everyday. Its not you. really! its me. You can come over everyday and hang out. We can go out. I can see you all the time. Just dont expect me to be on the phone everyday until 1am. Its just not me. I might make an exception for a week, but after that, you better come see me or get gchat on your phone. But even with that, I get busy. Between my frat, my job, my other job and my extra-curriculars, I'm not going to always respond immediately, or even that day. Which reminds me of a story, but we'll save that for the pet peeves blog... coming later today hopefully.
I have been blessed to have a great friend/girlfriend over the last almost 5 years. It wasnt just one, but they all came back to back to back so I was well taken care of for those 5 years. I say that to say that I have the tendency to expect certain things to be done. That is a large portion of the reason that I am taking my time before I actively pursue anything. Not that I am a dependent person, but I have no problem falling back into that relationship role, where I take the garbage out, buy most of the groceries and clean only when someone is telling me they need me to. So if we are hanging out getting to know each other, and I start to kinda pull away, its because I know me and I dont want to fall back into that role until I prove a few things to myself. Again, that leads me right into the next blog... but I digress.
Lastly, for this entry at least, I am a nice guy. The issue there is that everything that I would say, genuinely, as a nice guy, has been said to every female on earth by 100 not-so-nice guys. So I dont really approach woman like that. I hate when I out just being me, and someone takes it as a game or a mac that I'm trying to lay down. So I dont even try. What I will do is be me at all times and hope that after a while you'll realize that its not a front. But that doesnt currently apply anyway, since I'm on a hiatus!
Anyway, thats a little about me. I hope you know yourself well enough to know, and share your little quirks.
For those that don't know me, I want to touch on somethings that I think people should know about me. Some good, some bad, some just facts. We've been discussing relationships a lot and I want to go a little deeper. We've mostly talked about surface things, but if you dont know/cant deal with the little quirks a person has, it could lead to an unnecessary amount of stress. So here are mine!
I am very loyal. EXTREMELY. Most times it is a positive trait, but other times it can be taken the wrong way. Anyone that I truly consider a friend, I will pretty much do anything for, as long as I don't feel that I am being taken advantage of. I could really like someone, be out with them, but if I get a 911 text from a close friend, I'm on it, and I hope the other person understands. I feel like I lost a great girl over that once upon a time.
Contrarily, once I gave you my loyalty and you lose it... lets just say I can be not so nice. I become very short, cynical, easily annoyed and pretty much all-around unpleasant. Now that I know that about myself, I try, but have yet to successfully lose faith in a person and still treat them like a true friend.
I am a multi-tasking dynamo. Whether it be working and watching the world cup, or playing video games and listening to you talk. I can do it, and usually I will try to. So dont assume I'm not listening to you. But also, dont be mad at me if you decided to try and talk to me while I'm playing Halo. That was a personal choice on your part.
I am not a phone person. I dont want to talk on the phone with you everyday. Its not you. really! its me. You can come over everyday and hang out. We can go out. I can see you all the time. Just dont expect me to be on the phone everyday until 1am. Its just not me. I might make an exception for a week, but after that, you better come see me or get gchat on your phone. But even with that, I get busy. Between my frat, my job, my other job and my extra-curriculars, I'm not going to always respond immediately, or even that day. Which reminds me of a story, but we'll save that for the pet peeves blog... coming later today hopefully.
I have been blessed to have a great friend/girlfriend over the last almost 5 years. It wasnt just one, but they all came back to back to back so I was well taken care of for those 5 years. I say that to say that I have the tendency to expect certain things to be done. That is a large portion of the reason that I am taking my time before I actively pursue anything. Not that I am a dependent person, but I have no problem falling back into that relationship role, where I take the garbage out, buy most of the groceries and clean only when someone is telling me they need me to. So if we are hanging out getting to know each other, and I start to kinda pull away, its because I know me and I dont want to fall back into that role until I prove a few things to myself. Again, that leads me right into the next blog... but I digress.
Lastly, for this entry at least, I am a nice guy. The issue there is that everything that I would say, genuinely, as a nice guy, has been said to every female on earth by 100 not-so-nice guys. So I dont really approach woman like that. I hate when I out just being me, and someone takes it as a game or a mac that I'm trying to lay down. So I dont even try. What I will do is be me at all times and hope that after a while you'll realize that its not a front. But that doesnt currently apply anyway, since I'm on a hiatus!
Anyway, thats a little about me. I hope you know yourself well enough to know, and share your little quirks.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
wondering why other people are illogical.
This will be very short.
Ladies. If someone invites you somewhere, dont be offended if you get uninvited because you decided to tell your friend that they could come too and decide to ask the person who initially invited you if that was cool after the fact.
Very simple and good day
Ladies. If someone invites you somewhere, dont be offended if you get uninvited because you decided to tell your friend that they could come too and decide to ask the person who initially invited you if that was cool after the fact.
Very simple and good day
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
What's a man to do?
I'm pretty attractive. I am. I cant help it. Good genes I guess. And no, I dont think this because of my fraternal affiliation. o_O I'm decently educated. I'm gainfully employed twice over. I own what I have. I read. I travel. I dress pretty well; gave up the baggy jeans and white tees years ago. And currently, for the most part, I hang out with guys that have a similar, if not better, situation. In addition, we are all equally as single. Obviously, because this is my blog, I will being using situations that I have experienced, though, I am currently single by choice, which is a completely different blog for another day. But for some time, I was single against my will.
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about my relationship status, and in her opinion, I am a GREAT catch(she stressed the great, not me, lol). I am very loyal, I am attentive, I am fun, and a few of the things that I mentioned previously. She went so far as to say that she stresses to some of her friends that they need to get their lives together and see what could happen, because, in comparison to what they are dealing with now, I am that dude.
I digress. The point is, we are constantly hearing about the lack of good men. The lack of good black men. The lack of good, straight, educated black men that dont feel like they deserve to be treated like gods, simply because they are doing what they are suppose to be doing anyway! But I can think of 8 of the top of my head, 4 being right here in the Washington, DC metropolitan area. So why are we hearing everyday that their are none left?
Lets strip down this whole thing to some essentials that I hear when I talk to my female friends about relationships.
Attraction: Are women putting too much into the physical then necessary? I only 5'10. I've been turned down for that. I am not in the best shape of my life, but I'm not fat. But Ive been overlooked because my lack of 6 pack abs. As I said, I'm pretty attractive, but I've been be scoffed at for the fact that I had a goatee rather then a full on beard or the lack of being cleanly shaved. I dress decent but have been shunned for my shoes not being timberland boots and my polo-shirt not being Polo. I have preferences. But I have never not talked to a potential mate because they did not match all of my physical preferences. You find me five 5'6, thick in all the right places and no body fat in all the rest of the places, long haired, weave free, light eyed, cinnamon complexioned women, who look good in a dress but would prefer to wear some Jordan 3's and a baseball hat while sitting in the living room playing guitar hero or Madden with me in your city and let me know.
Ambition: It seems that everything has to be right now. Why is it not good enough for a man to be poorer than dirt, an avid bus rider, and a top ramen lover, that has ACTIVE plans to accomplish a dream or goal? I'm getting a few second looks now, but the man I am now has very few emotional or physical difference from the man I was 3 years ago that lived in a 3 bedroom house with four other guys and no food in the fridge. And I've always said what I planned on doing, which, fortunately I am doing some of now. God willing, I'll be doing the rest soon. The point is, my potential was overlook until it was more than just potential. But now those girls that decided to pass want to come back and find they gets no love. Then have the never to talk about how I aint shit or I'm passing up a good thing... even though they are in the same position they were in when they decided I wasn't doing enough for them to give me a shot.
There is more that I want to say, but I am having a bit of difficulty putting the words together. And, since this is my blog, I'll do what I feel. I'll wrap this up.
Moral of the story, be open. It may not be what you dreamed up for yourself, but it may be exactly who God created for you. Don't sell anyone short. People have a strange way of being and doing much more than you'd ever expect.
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about my relationship status, and in her opinion, I am a GREAT catch(she stressed the great, not me, lol). I am very loyal, I am attentive, I am fun, and a few of the things that I mentioned previously. She went so far as to say that she stresses to some of her friends that they need to get their lives together and see what could happen, because, in comparison to what they are dealing with now, I am that dude.
I digress. The point is, we are constantly hearing about the lack of good men. The lack of good black men. The lack of good, straight, educated black men that dont feel like they deserve to be treated like gods, simply because they are doing what they are suppose to be doing anyway! But I can think of 8 of the top of my head, 4 being right here in the Washington, DC metropolitan area. So why are we hearing everyday that their are none left?
Lets strip down this whole thing to some essentials that I hear when I talk to my female friends about relationships.
Attraction: Are women putting too much into the physical then necessary? I only 5'10. I've been turned down for that. I am not in the best shape of my life, but I'm not fat. But Ive been overlooked because my lack of 6 pack abs. As I said, I'm pretty attractive, but I've been be scoffed at for the fact that I had a goatee rather then a full on beard or the lack of being cleanly shaved. I dress decent but have been shunned for my shoes not being timberland boots and my polo-shirt not being Polo. I have preferences. But I have never not talked to a potential mate because they did not match all of my physical preferences. You find me five 5'6, thick in all the right places and no body fat in all the rest of the places, long haired, weave free, light eyed, cinnamon complexioned women, who look good in a dress but would prefer to wear some Jordan 3's and a baseball hat while sitting in the living room playing guitar hero or Madden with me in your city and let me know.
Ambition: It seems that everything has to be right now. Why is it not good enough for a man to be poorer than dirt, an avid bus rider, and a top ramen lover, that has ACTIVE plans to accomplish a dream or goal? I'm getting a few second looks now, but the man I am now has very few emotional or physical difference from the man I was 3 years ago that lived in a 3 bedroom house with four other guys and no food in the fridge. And I've always said what I planned on doing, which, fortunately I am doing some of now. God willing, I'll be doing the rest soon. The point is, my potential was overlook until it was more than just potential. But now those girls that decided to pass want to come back and find they gets no love. Then have the never to talk about how I aint shit or I'm passing up a good thing... even though they are in the same position they were in when they decided I wasn't doing enough for them to give me a shot.
There is more that I want to say, but I am having a bit of difficulty putting the words together. And, since this is my blog, I'll do what I feel. I'll wrap this up.
Moral of the story, be open. It may not be what you dreamed up for yourself, but it may be exactly who God created for you. Don't sell anyone short. People have a strange way of being and doing much more than you'd ever expect.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Struggling
One of my favorite movies is Men of Honor. Not because of the story itself. Not because of the great acting(though this was probably the last time I saw Cuba act, before he started doing movies like snow dog, rat race, and boat trip.) *If you haven't seen them, don't worry, you aren't missed anything. Anyway, I love this movie because of the way it makes me feel after. Things of this fashion always inspire me. Watching someones struggle to succeed always makes me appreciate what I have a lot more, but also motivates me to get out there and truly follow my dreams. But the feeling is fleeting.
Which brings me to the struggle. How does one maintain motivation? I cannot watch this movie everyday and actually have time to do anything else. Pictures on the mirror in the morning dont work. I go to the gym everyday for a few weeks and dont see results. I go out less, cook at home more, but then somehow, the exact amount of money I've saved is required to maintain my life, and I'm right back at zero.
I've been very lucky. Not a bad life. God has blessed me, even when I probably didnt deserve it. But now I am consciously seeking to do better; to be better. But now it seems like I can't catch a break. Not that God is no longer blessing me. But things don't seem to be coming as easy as I am use too. Not a terrible thing, just different. I've done a few things in my life to prove to myself who I am. Like I said, I haven't had to struggle. But in an effort to make sure I can handle my own, I put myself out there. So for now, I can only hope to take it day by day. I have no choice but to motivate myself. Come up with an image in my head of what I want and where I want to be. Let those random motivations be no more than a supplement to the constant, consistent drive I have for myself.
But enough about me. What keeps you motivated? How do you keep your eye on the prize? I'm sure we can all help each other. You're probably doing something that could really help someone else!
Sorry if these reads a little rushed, lol
Which brings me to the struggle. How does one maintain motivation? I cannot watch this movie everyday and actually have time to do anything else. Pictures on the mirror in the morning dont work. I go to the gym everyday for a few weeks and dont see results. I go out less, cook at home more, but then somehow, the exact amount of money I've saved is required to maintain my life, and I'm right back at zero.
I've been very lucky. Not a bad life. God has blessed me, even when I probably didnt deserve it. But now I am consciously seeking to do better; to be better. But now it seems like I can't catch a break. Not that God is no longer blessing me. But things don't seem to be coming as easy as I am use too. Not a terrible thing, just different. I've done a few things in my life to prove to myself who I am. Like I said, I haven't had to struggle. But in an effort to make sure I can handle my own, I put myself out there. So for now, I can only hope to take it day by day. I have no choice but to motivate myself. Come up with an image in my head of what I want and where I want to be. Let those random motivations be no more than a supplement to the constant, consistent drive I have for myself.
But enough about me. What keeps you motivated? How do you keep your eye on the prize? I'm sure we can all help each other. You're probably doing something that could really help someone else!
Sorry if these reads a little rushed, lol
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Forks ( contemplating)
I have a good job. In some peoples opinion, a very good job. I also have a very good other job. I wouldn't call it a side job, because I actually like doing it. But what are these jobs? The first is in my field of study. I got a degree, I worked a few jobs, and then I was fortunate to get a job that everyone says you should have. Its stable, its within the government, and it pays the bills. But I cannot see me doing it for the rest of my life. Not in my currently capacity at least. My 2nd job is good. I do more of the things that I like to do. But its commission based, so I depend on others doing what they say they are going to do to get paid. Its not a terrible place to be, especially since I have other means of income.
Now for my dilemma...
I feel like I should be doing something else with my life. Whatever that is is still a mystery to me, but I know its something. Furthermore, there is so much that I would love to do. But I'm sure that at some point or another, most people may feel that way. So this isn't even the issue.
The issue is that I cannot fully pursue anything else in my current state. I have a 9-5, I have another job that can occupy all my other available time. I am very active in my frat. And life in general. And I realize that these are not excuses. I hear people say you have to make room for your blessings, and I truly believe that and I know I have a blessing coming. I just need to decide what I need to remove from my life to make room for it. I have a lot going on, but how do you decide what you should move on without when you don't necessarily have a bunch of negative things in your life? And there it is... the actual problem. How do I choose? How can I know im leaving the right things behind? I could be leaving the thing that will eventually make me truly happy behind because I made an impulsive decision.
I have faced a few notable forks before... west or tracy high, howard or San Jose State, Psych or Comp Sci, buy or rent, cali or dc, but there was always a clear solution after careful examination of my options. Not this time...
Until I figure that out, which fork to take... I'll be right here, coding and selling houses...
Now for my dilemma...
I feel like I should be doing something else with my life. Whatever that is is still a mystery to me, but I know its something. Furthermore, there is so much that I would love to do. But I'm sure that at some point or another, most people may feel that way. So this isn't even the issue.
The issue is that I cannot fully pursue anything else in my current state. I have a 9-5, I have another job that can occupy all my other available time. I am very active in my frat. And life in general. And I realize that these are not excuses. I hear people say you have to make room for your blessings, and I truly believe that and I know I have a blessing coming. I just need to decide what I need to remove from my life to make room for it. I have a lot going on, but how do you decide what you should move on without when you don't necessarily have a bunch of negative things in your life? And there it is... the actual problem. How do I choose? How can I know im leaving the right things behind? I could be leaving the thing that will eventually make me truly happy behind because I made an impulsive decision.
I have faced a few notable forks before... west or tracy high, howard or San Jose State, Psych or Comp Sci, buy or rent, cali or dc, but there was always a clear solution after careful examination of my options. Not this time...
Until I figure that out, which fork to take... I'll be right here, coding and selling houses...
In the Begining (writing)
I've had a blog for a few weeks now, but never knew what to write about. I've written and completed at least one, but deleted it all for one reason or another. I want to write things that are insightful, that can contribute to ones life, rather than just being something to read. I want my words to hold a deeper meaning. I want it to be funny, but serious; entertaining, but at the same time be something that would invoke thought.
But first things first... I don't have any readers. LOL, at least not yet. So for now this is nothing more than an outlet. For me to say what I want. And that is all it will ever be. I want to impress, but I don't care enough about your opinion for me to suppress my own. I'd love feedback if this is ever read, but I will not be writing solely for the purpose of getting a response. This is a public diary, in the most heterosexual way possible =0).
If I offend you, know that it was not my intention, but don't expect me to apologize for my opinion. I will not, unless i have blatantly attacked someone or something, be publishing an apology.
sidenote: I'll probably have some sort of (verb)ing in all of my titles, as that's a good way for you and me to sum up what I'm writing about. Shouts out to Cov(Dot)Gov, who started that trend i.e.; hf (be) pimpin
But first things first... I don't have any readers. LOL, at least not yet. So for now this is nothing more than an outlet. For me to say what I want. And that is all it will ever be. I want to impress, but I don't care enough about your opinion for me to suppress my own. I'd love feedback if this is ever read, but I will not be writing solely for the purpose of getting a response. This is a public diary, in the most heterosexual way possible =0).
If I offend you, know that it was not my intention, but don't expect me to apologize for my opinion. I will not, unless i have blatantly attacked someone or something, be publishing an apology.
sidenote: I'll probably have some sort of (verb)ing in all of my titles, as that's a good way for you and me to sum up what I'm writing about. Shouts out to Cov(Dot)Gov, who started that trend i.e.; hf (be) pimpin
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