I write this very timidly. When I do decide to put things down on paper, it is usually after a conversation, or just something that has been on my mind. Today though, this will be based solely on a recent experience. Those parties involved... well this is my place to talk freely, and I have a few things to say. Its not like anyone really reads this thing anyway.
Strength is an odd thing. It is very difficult to perceive true strength. Obviously physical strength, most times, can be measured by the size of a bicep, or the weights displaced by one trying to prove/improve their strength. (As I type, I feel like is will be about much more than strength, but for now, thats what the title is.) Strength is sometimes misidentified. Unfortunately, we live in a society where the strong are considered brash, or rude, or overachievers. The norm is to be weak. To be a pushover, to be followers. As such, people that arent necessarily weak can feel dominate because there seems to be a universal law enforcing the pussyfication of our society. (thanks for the term Philly D... sidenote: watch the phillip defranco show on youtube, AWESOME).
As to not call anyone out, I'll be as general as possible here... I have dealt with some misguide folks in my day. While I am no MLK, I know what I want and what I need and try to do what I think will best serve those purposes. On the other hand, I can be coaxed into taking a flyer when I come out of the club, and I have been falsely energized into a pyramid scheme, but still, no pushover. But because it seems that I had a habit of dealing with people "weaker" in their resolve than I, it was very easy for me to feel as though I was a stronger person. I had/have goals, I understood the consequences of actions and evaluate risk before I do things. And to some extent, I felt that with some folks, I was bring some sort of structure into their lives. I made them better.
Then I found myself dealing with people that also considered themselves strong individuals, and rightfully so. They didn't need my structure and I certainly wasnt making them better because of my presence. This was a new experience. And this is where I believe I began to understand what strength is.
As I was use to being the strongest, I have a habit of thinking all that I do is right. Not because everyone else was wrong per say... but because, usually, I was the only one trying to make a decision and get something done, achieve a goal or what have you. I was thrown into a world where my thought process was scrutinized. I found that a lot of my ideas and thoughts werent actually thought out very well. I was laughed at, and confronted, and ridiculed. But I understood that it was not at all (mostly) mean spirited.
Honestly, if it had been in any other situation, if it had happened earlier in life, I would not be who I am now. I would not have been ready for such an experience. The only reason I truly believe I survived is because I called myself looking for this. I wanted to prove I was who I thought I was. I wanted to prove that even though I had a pretty decent list of goals and accomplishments, that I could succeed when the cards were not all falling in my favor. Up until that point, my life had not been very difficult. I was give a gift that allowed me to put in minimal effort, and still succeed. At least on a small scale.
I am stronger because of it, but still not the strongest. I have kept some old bad habits, and have learned some new ones. But I did learn a lot about me and what strength really is. No, I cant tell you. There is no manual, or 12 step process. Everyone is born with different strengths, and will develop others. I can tell you, however, some of the things I have deduced from my experience...
Have an 85% solid resolve. Be confident in what you do and say. But don't be so confident that you can not take, hear, or deal with criticisms or advice. You are always trying to do your best, even when you have no clue of what you're are doing. But when you are unwilling to consider others thoughts, you cant win. That does not necessarily mean give in. You have to be able to quickly evaluate the value and risk associated with decisions you make. Take blame when you fail. If you show up late, dont blame traffic (or a faulty red line train), recognize that you didnt consider delays and you left too late. Be open to any ideas when you dont know what you're doing. As silly as they may sound, they may just be right. Recognize the uniqueness in every situation, and dont pre-judge everything because you've seen similar before. Sometimes the difference between regular and great is subtle, and you'll pass it up if you can't recognize the little things.
And thats as far as I got... (Outkast reference... no one else picked up on that...)
SUMMARY: my strength is in my ability to evaluate and adapt, or stay steadfast.... and know when to apply each.
ADVICE: Know yours (strengths) and work to possess others
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
New Name
For those that have been around since the begining (the three of you, and assuming more than those three are reading now...), I've decided to make a name change.
Hfb verbing 1) seemed a little immature. Too much like freshman year in drew hall, when it was first used, and 2) didnt truly discribe the direction my writing seems to be going.
I have come to another crossroads in my life and it seems as though I am nowhere near where I thought I would be in life 10 years ago. But not in a failure kind of way, lol. Just a completely different place then I thought. I'm still on the east coast, I am a completely different field, by choice.
Quick aside, I'm seeing a lot of BEAUTIFUL black women in commercials lately. I just saw a mom in a milk commercial that , uhhh, yea, lets refocus.
This will be my way of keeping up with the misconceptions, truths and revalations of a "not that young anymore" adult trying to find his way. As always, this will be a collaboration of my experiences, experiences of others and relevant hypotheticals... afterall, ya'll dont need to KNOW all of my personal life! Until someone pays me to write, this is the way its gonna be, until I become 30 something.
As always, comments are appreciate. If you think I'm right on, or full orshit cow patties, let me know whatcha think.
Hfb verbing 1) seemed a little immature. Too much like freshman year in drew hall, when it was first used, and 2) didnt truly discribe the direction my writing seems to be going.
I have come to another crossroads in my life and it seems as though I am nowhere near where I thought I would be in life 10 years ago. But not in a failure kind of way, lol. Just a completely different place then I thought. I'm still on the east coast, I am a completely different field, by choice.
Quick aside, I'm seeing a lot of BEAUTIFUL black women in commercials lately. I just saw a mom in a milk commercial that , uhhh, yea, lets refocus.
This will be my way of keeping up with the misconceptions, truths and revalations of a "not that young anymore" adult trying to find his way. As always, this will be a collaboration of my experiences, experiences of others and relevant hypotheticals... afterall, ya'll dont need to KNOW all of my personal life! Until someone pays me to write, this is the way its gonna be, until I become 30 something.
As always, comments are appreciate. If you think I'm right on, or full or
Adults
Lets discuss a few things. I'd like to consider myself a stand up guy, and for the most part, I tend to have a grasp on what is reality. As adults, I would like to think we all have that, but what I think and what is sometimes tend to be polar opposites. So lets get some grown man, logical thoughts out in the open.
Pursuit: As a non-lame dude, I try and take the hints. If I'm calling you, offering to do this and that, planning nice things to do for you and I am not getting much of a response, I'm going to fall back. I am no tupac, dont tease me, i dont enjoy or respond well to that. I'm not saying give me the booty instantly, but dont feel like you need to play hard to get. If you are worth being with, I will appreciate you for that, not because you made me take you out for 2 months and acted uninterested every time. Be you, isnt that what I'm after anyway? If you suddenly become this difficult, boring person, dont get mad when I stop calling you.
Dates/dating: You're cool and I'd like to take you out. As a gentlemen, since I invited you out, I feel like its my duty to take care of that evening. You may not know me well, so I understand if you want to drive yourself rather than have me come pick you up, but outside of that, I've got the evening covered. Depending on how well that evening goes, we may have further communication, and depending on how well that goes, I may requests a second outing. Again, my invitation, its all on me. This is when I tend to make a few observations. Some women think they are slick... if everytime we talk you say you are hungry and suggest some extravagant restaurant, unless you distinctly say you got this one or something along those lines, you're trying to be slick. If you never respond when I hit you up but then hit me up like clockwork the day before we went out last week (we went out wednesday so you hit me up tuesday of next week) and ask if I wanna do something, you're trying to be slick. If you're not feeling me, cool, but this aint about to be your regular solution for that one night out of the week you dont want to cook!
Tests: Plan and Simple, dont test me. You dont like a man to order for you, dont tell me in detail what you want at dinner and wait to see if I try and relay the message to the waiter. You like a man to hold a door open for you, dont rush to the door to see if I'm gonna sprint to beat you there to hold it for you.
Visits: Yes, we are adults. And as adults we set our own curfews. I could chose to stay out til 3am on a tuesday if I want. Thats my right. But if you want to hang out with me at my house, after 10pm mon-thursday, you better not be coming over to watch tv, or just talk. Sure, you could really want to come over and play madden, and you might come at 7 and not leave until 1am. That has happened. But if you leave your house at 10:45 and bring a bag, you need to know that at some point my intentions will be to get amouthful handful of something. This does not apply to out of town guests, unless that has already happened. Nor does this apply to the homies, the forreal homies, and if you dont know if you're a forreal homie, then it would be in you're best interest not to arrive at my house after 10pm just to hang out.
Cute is not an excuse: As I am not a multi-billionaire, I have no intention of having a trophy wife. Even if I was, I doubt I will ever accept a women into my life whose job is to spend my money. Thats what children are for. I had a discussion with some friends a few days ago about tradition roles in a relationship. At one point in my life I was open to whatever. I thought," its the 21st century, women dont have to cook and clean like the once did." LOL. I accepted girlfriends that couldn't cook and didnt clean well. Yet I was still expected to take out the trash, change the blown lights, make more money and kill that spider. Wellshit geez, can I get the daddy piece of chicken and an ironed shirt in return!? I'm not necessarily looking to have you barefoot and preggers ( you can if you want, but there's a long conversation that needs to proceed that) nor do I expect you to do ALL the cleaning and cooking at ALL times. BUT, it does seem that the majority of beautiful women under 30 that i've met feel like they are excused from bringing assets to the table because of their appearance, yet still expect men to get 95+ on their 100 point checklist.
Lastly, ask and you shall receive: Its an age old saying, but is the truth. Obviously there is a time of discovery and somethings are actually better done in that manner, but if there is a specific need or want, say so. No appropriate examples here ;o)
Pursuit: As a non-lame dude, I try and take the hints. If I'm calling you, offering to do this and that, planning nice things to do for you and I am not getting much of a response, I'm going to fall back. I am no tupac, dont tease me, i dont enjoy or respond well to that. I'm not saying give me the booty instantly, but dont feel like you need to play hard to get. If you are worth being with, I will appreciate you for that, not because you made me take you out for 2 months and acted uninterested every time. Be you, isnt that what I'm after anyway? If you suddenly become this difficult, boring person, dont get mad when I stop calling you.
Dates/dating: You're cool and I'd like to take you out. As a gentlemen, since I invited you out, I feel like its my duty to take care of that evening. You may not know me well, so I understand if you want to drive yourself rather than have me come pick you up, but outside of that, I've got the evening covered. Depending on how well that evening goes, we may have further communication, and depending on how well that goes, I may requests a second outing. Again, my invitation, its all on me. This is when I tend to make a few observations. Some women think they are slick... if everytime we talk you say you are hungry and suggest some extravagant restaurant, unless you distinctly say you got this one or something along those lines, you're trying to be slick. If you never respond when I hit you up but then hit me up like clockwork the day before we went out last week (we went out wednesday so you hit me up tuesday of next week) and ask if I wanna do something, you're trying to be slick. If you're not feeling me, cool, but this aint about to be your regular solution for that one night out of the week you dont want to cook!
Tests: Plan and Simple, dont test me. You dont like a man to order for you, dont tell me in detail what you want at dinner and wait to see if I try and relay the message to the waiter. You like a man to hold a door open for you, dont rush to the door to see if I'm gonna sprint to beat you there to hold it for you.
Visits: Yes, we are adults. And as adults we set our own curfews. I could chose to stay out til 3am on a tuesday if I want. Thats my right. But if you want to hang out with me at my house, after 10pm mon-thursday, you better not be coming over to watch tv, or just talk. Sure, you could really want to come over and play madden, and you might come at 7 and not leave until 1am. That has happened. But if you leave your house at 10:45 and bring a bag, you need to know that at some point my intentions will be to get a
Cute is not an excuse: As I am not a multi-billionaire, I have no intention of having a trophy wife. Even if I was, I doubt I will ever accept a women into my life whose job is to spend my money. Thats what children are for. I had a discussion with some friends a few days ago about tradition roles in a relationship. At one point in my life I was open to whatever. I thought," its the 21st century, women dont have to cook and clean like the once did." LOL. I accepted girlfriends that couldn't cook and didnt clean well. Yet I was still expected to take out the trash, change the blown lights, make more money and kill that spider. Well
Lastly, ask and you shall receive: Its an age old saying, but is the truth. Obviously there is a time of discovery and somethings are actually better done in that manner, but if there is a specific need or want, say so. No appropriate examples here ;o)
Friday, July 09, 2010
***DISCLAIMER***
I truly hope that the topics I discuss are relevant to those that read them and can provide some insight, or at least console those that feel like they may be going through something alone, when in actuality, we are all dealing with things the best we can.
BUT
This is for me. It is easy to say the right thing, but doing is completely different. I use these as a way to gather my thoughts and advise MYSELF only. I do not, at any point, feel like I am qualified to solve anyone else's problems or issues. I do believe that I can offer my own personal insight and suggest different avenues for one to approach the issues, but I do not have any answers, as you can see from all the issues I have!
Just putting it out there.
BUT
This is for me. It is easy to say the right thing, but doing is completely different. I use these as a way to gather my thoughts and advise MYSELF only. I do not, at any point, feel like I am qualified to solve anyone else's problems or issues. I do believe that I can offer my own personal insight and suggest different avenues for one to approach the issues, but I do not have any answers, as you can see from all the issues I have!
Just putting it out there.
revolving door
Recently I have experienced a great deal of change in my life. Where I live, what I do day to day. What my goals are. Beliefs, practices, whatever. But the change that I have had the most trouble with is people. Some have come, some have gone.
We all have heard that people come and go from our lives for a reason. But sometimes I have to believe that there are people worth fighting for.
Which is what I am struggling the most with. I cant determine when I should simply watch someone walk out of my life, and when I should fight for them. Obviously anyone that I contemplate fighting for has had some sort of significance in my life, but what kind of significance justifies the effort? How can I determine the lasting value of a person in my life, or even the value that I may have to them?
I believe God gives us opportunities to grow with every trial we face. I only struggle with trying to determine what that lesson is. I may think initially that the lesson is to learn how to let things go, how to allow a bad situation be just that, understand that it is an unnecessary stress and walk away. But then I may feel like my lesson is to exhibit patience and tolerance. Learn to better deal with things and potentially make a change, not only in myself, but within whoever else is in the situation. Thats by far my favorite, since I like helping people.
Like anyone else, sometimes I get lonely. I have an ex that is still around that I genuinely want to be friends with. But do I keep her around for convenience, or because I actually want to be her friend? I am friends with most of my exes actually. But there is one in particular that I feel only hits me up when the next dude is failing, like a backup. Its crazy, or maybe I am, but I dont think she even realizes what she is doing half the time. I don't want to be that person who keeps people around just in case. So, though I feeling like I have only the best intentions, I dont want to do to my most recent ex, what I feel like that one particular ex is doing to me.
I had a fall out with someone who I was very close to a few years back. In the last few months or so, we began speaking again. And while we arent as close as we were, I do feel like we're in a decent place. I tend to be a pretty understanding person, and I try to acknowledge my role in every situation. I once had a woman chase me down the highway. And while that will never be 100% justified, I try to admit to some of the things that I may have said or done to have brought that on. IN NO WAY IS THAT EVER THE CORRECT RESPONSE TO ANYTHING. I can see how being completely honest with someone can backfire though! Which leads me to someone recently thatwalked out stormed out of my life. I think I may have actually tried everything with this person. Ignore them, tried to rationalize, tried to talk, yelled, cussed, apologized, played nice, the whole 9. But I could not, for the life of me, figure out why someone would be brought into my life and be one of the coolest people I have ever met for almost exactly 60 days, and then drastically turn into the president of the anti-hb3 club. I'm sure there's a lesson there, I just havent figured it out.
To sum it all up though... people come and go. Some will leave a bad taste in your mouth, and some will leave love and joy in your heart. Most you will forget and some you will take with you everywhere you go. Be kind to all, but be cautious of those you let close. They will inevitably leave something with you that can effect who you are for the rest of your life, positively or negatively. Take whatever you can from each experience and do your best to give twice as much. Being a great friend is hard work, but when you find someone who's trying as hard as you are, its all worth it.
We all have heard that people come and go from our lives for a reason. But sometimes I have to believe that there are people worth fighting for.
Which is what I am struggling the most with. I cant determine when I should simply watch someone walk out of my life, and when I should fight for them. Obviously anyone that I contemplate fighting for has had some sort of significance in my life, but what kind of significance justifies the effort? How can I determine the lasting value of a person in my life, or even the value that I may have to them?
I believe God gives us opportunities to grow with every trial we face. I only struggle with trying to determine what that lesson is. I may think initially that the lesson is to learn how to let things go, how to allow a bad situation be just that, understand that it is an unnecessary stress and walk away. But then I may feel like my lesson is to exhibit patience and tolerance. Learn to better deal with things and potentially make a change, not only in myself, but within whoever else is in the situation. Thats by far my favorite, since I like helping people.
Like anyone else, sometimes I get lonely. I have an ex that is still around that I genuinely want to be friends with. But do I keep her around for convenience, or because I actually want to be her friend? I am friends with most of my exes actually. But there is one in particular that I feel only hits me up when the next dude is failing, like a backup. Its crazy, or maybe I am, but I dont think she even realizes what she is doing half the time. I don't want to be that person who keeps people around just in case. So, though I feeling like I have only the best intentions, I dont want to do to my most recent ex, what I feel like that one particular ex is doing to me.
I had a fall out with someone who I was very close to a few years back. In the last few months or so, we began speaking again. And while we arent as close as we were, I do feel like we're in a decent place. I tend to be a pretty understanding person, and I try to acknowledge my role in every situation. I once had a woman chase me down the highway. And while that will never be 100% justified, I try to admit to some of the things that I may have said or done to have brought that on. IN NO WAY IS THAT EVER THE CORRECT RESPONSE TO ANYTHING. I can see how being completely honest with someone can backfire though! Which leads me to someone recently that
To sum it all up though... people come and go. Some will leave a bad taste in your mouth, and some will leave love and joy in your heart. Most you will forget and some you will take with you everywhere you go. Be kind to all, but be cautious of those you let close. They will inevitably leave something with you that can effect who you are for the rest of your life, positively or negatively. Take whatever you can from each experience and do your best to give twice as much. Being a great friend is hard work, but when you find someone who's trying as hard as you are, its all worth it.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
me (the bad)
I am EXCEPTIONALLY lazy. I want a dog. I have a home visit set for today. I knew about it on sunday. I have yet to clean my house. Now, its not a huge deal, but I could have easily started days ago. And I tried. I started cleaning on monday... but I saw a spider web and couldnt immediately find like a duster or something to get them all, so I sat down and played video games.
I am a user. Of people, not drugs. If I know you like to clean, I'll invite you over when my house is a mess. Same for cooking. I will justify this by saying that if you have something you want built/put together, i.e., an ikea dresser, Im on it. I like doing it and will get up out of my laziness to do it. I'm getting better at doing things for myself, like cleaning... not cooking though.
I spend too much money. But not on myself. I'll take you out, buy you drinks and all that. I like to make sure everyone is having a great time, and usually this involves me spending money. I have bottles at home, video games entertain me and soon I'll have a dog. Aside from some clothes here and there, I'm good, but if I care about you, I'll probably blindly spend money, especially the weekends i get paid lol. O, but I do expect some sort of compensation, even if its just a good friendship. Sounds like BS, lol, I know, but its true.
I hate when people have the wrong impression of me, almost to the point where I will fight you over it. Like, I'll punch you in the face if you think I'm not a nice guy.
I also hate when people try and disguise their real feelings with an opposite overreaction. Someone hurt your feelings, but instead of letting that out, you push it down and become this loud, irrational, diss machine that has a sharper tongue than ... i dont know, something sharp. I cant stand that... but we're getting off topic.
I want things now. I want to go to the gym for a week and be stronger/faster/less fatter?. I want people to come to me so I can sell them houses/sell their house.
I am a jack of all trades, and a master of none. I'm good at a lot, but not particularly great at anything. Well, anything that I can get paid to do. Atleast not at my current experience level.
I will sit in the house all day and do nothing. I might even invite others over, and depending on how comfortable I am with those others, I wont say a word. (more comfort, less words). Not necessarily a bad thing, but some people get offended. Like I dont want to go out with them. Or some other assumption.
In addition to that, I am a great conversationalist... when someone else engages me. If you dont speak first, we may not speak at all. If I speak first, I've probably been drinking, lol.
Procrastinator extraordinaire. Which is why im going to stop here and get back to what I should be doing...
I am a user. Of people, not drugs. If I know you like to clean, I'll invite you over when my house is a mess. Same for cooking. I will justify this by saying that if you have something you want built/put together, i.e., an ikea dresser, Im on it. I like doing it and will get up out of my laziness to do it. I'm getting better at doing things for myself, like cleaning... not cooking though.
I spend too much money. But not on myself. I'll take you out, buy you drinks and all that. I like to make sure everyone is having a great time, and usually this involves me spending money. I have bottles at home, video games entertain me and soon I'll have a dog. Aside from some clothes here and there, I'm good, but if I care about you, I'll probably blindly spend money, especially the weekends i get paid lol. O, but I do expect some sort of compensation, even if its just a good friendship. Sounds like BS, lol, I know, but its true.
I hate when people have the wrong impression of me, almost to the point where I will fight you over it. Like, I'll punch you in the face if you think I'm not a nice guy.
I also hate when people try and disguise their real feelings with an opposite overreaction. Someone hurt your feelings, but instead of letting that out, you push it down and become this loud, irrational, diss machine that has a sharper tongue than ... i dont know, something sharp. I cant stand that... but we're getting off topic.
I want things now. I want to go to the gym for a week and be stronger/faster/less fatter?. I want people to come to me so I can sell them houses/sell their house.
I am a jack of all trades, and a master of none. I'm good at a lot, but not particularly great at anything. Well, anything that I can get paid to do. Atleast not at my current experience level.
I will sit in the house all day and do nothing. I might even invite others over, and depending on how comfortable I am with those others, I wont say a word. (more comfort, less words). Not necessarily a bad thing, but some people get offended. Like I dont want to go out with them. Or some other assumption.
In addition to that, I am a great conversationalist... when someone else engages me. If you dont speak first, we may not speak at all. If I speak first, I've probably been drinking, lol.
Procrastinator extraordinaire. Which is why im going to stop here and get back to what I should be doing...
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Sex, Love and Relationships
Just a quick overview of the three and how they can relate in the perspective of one male specimen.
Relationships. There are two main categories here. Sexual and Non sexual. But these categories can be broken down further.
Sexual Relationship Types-
- My boo
- A person I have sex with.
My boo is pretty obvious. This is a person that I am in an active relationship with. Within this relationship, there will be some recognizable traits of love, for me at least.
Now a person I have sex with is a little more complicated. There are two types of people that can fit into this group. One who I had previously shared a non-sexual relationship with, and one who I had sex with and developed a sexual relationship. These situations have the potential to escalate into a boo scenario. They can also remain in one of two states. Someone I am cool with that I may occasionally have sex with, and someone I have sex with that I might occasionally hangout with. It is literally that simple. In most cases, I know where you reside and will let you know if you have any questions about your position.
Non-Sexual Relationship Types-
- Family
- Like Family
- Friend
Family, is just that. No explanation needed.
Like family are those that I love and respect as dearly as my God-given family. Only difference is that I hand picked them myself.
Friends. I consider almost everyone I know, and get along with, a friend. I guess this would be what most people would call an associate. But in an effort to be nice to everyone, I just call everyone friend. Those I am closest to, would fit into the aforementioned group.
Exceptions. I have a few ex girlfriends that I would consider like family. I have had like family friends that are only there because they chose to be; they could easily go to boo.
Love
Who you love is not a choice. If you think you can pick and chose who you love, you probably have never experienced true love. That is how I distinguish between my friends and my like family folks. That is how I decide to move a person I have sex with to a boo. While it may or may not be full blown love, there are tale-tale signs that indicate to me that that is what's happening.
Sex
It seems that this is the most confusing. Let me start of by saying that this includes all sexually driven activity; i.e., kissing. I am a man. As a man, I have a natural desire to...uhhh... "plant seed." If a woman I find worthy of said seed shows ANY sign of willingness to receiving said seed, I will engage. No, that doesnt mean I will just jump on that. What it does mean is that will talk, flirt and do whatever else i deem necessary to further determine the merit of her candidacy; UNLESS, I have a reason not to such as a personal agenda that this may effect negatively, or another woman that I am actively pursuing.
Through reading this, I hope that you noticed a few things.
1) Sex stands alone. With Love and Relationships, there is potential for overlap within all three areas. But when sex is the initial subject, there is not relation to the other two. Moral of this story. If one just wants to have sex with you, thats what it is, just sex. If one seeks a relationship or love, sex is still on the table, but not necessarily a driving factor.
2) Roles are not constants. They must be discussed. One may want to be in a relationship with you, but in 30 days, you may have done something to change that... but that doesnt mean that person wouldn't let you hold some of their spludge if given the chance! In addition, the desire to do so is not ones attempt to lead anyone on. Within any relationship type, communication is Key.
While this is just an account from one man, I'd like to believe that the lessons learned here are universal.
Relationships. There are two main categories here. Sexual and Non sexual. But these categories can be broken down further.
Sexual Relationship Types-
- My boo
- A person I have sex with.
My boo is pretty obvious. This is a person that I am in an active relationship with. Within this relationship, there will be some recognizable traits of love, for me at least.
Now a person I have sex with is a little more complicated. There are two types of people that can fit into this group. One who I had previously shared a non-sexual relationship with, and one who I had sex with and developed a sexual relationship. These situations have the potential to escalate into a boo scenario. They can also remain in one of two states. Someone I am cool with that I may occasionally have sex with, and someone I have sex with that I might occasionally hangout with. It is literally that simple. In most cases, I know where you reside and will let you know if you have any questions about your position.
Non-Sexual Relationship Types-
- Family
- Like Family
- Friend
Family, is just that. No explanation needed.
Like family are those that I love and respect as dearly as my God-given family. Only difference is that I hand picked them myself.
Friends. I consider almost everyone I know, and get along with, a friend. I guess this would be what most people would call an associate. But in an effort to be nice to everyone, I just call everyone friend. Those I am closest to, would fit into the aforementioned group.
Exceptions. I have a few ex girlfriends that I would consider like family. I have had like family friends that are only there because they chose to be; they could easily go to boo.
Love
Who you love is not a choice. If you think you can pick and chose who you love, you probably have never experienced true love. That is how I distinguish between my friends and my like family folks. That is how I decide to move a person I have sex with to a boo. While it may or may not be full blown love, there are tale-tale signs that indicate to me that that is what's happening.
Sex
It seems that this is the most confusing. Let me start of by saying that this includes all sexually driven activity; i.e., kissing. I am a man. As a man, I have a natural desire to...uhhh... "plant seed." If a woman I find worthy of said seed shows ANY sign of willingness to receiving said seed, I will engage. No, that doesnt mean I will just jump on that. What it does mean is that will talk, flirt and do whatever else i deem necessary to further determine the merit of her candidacy; UNLESS, I have a reason not to such as a personal agenda that this may effect negatively, or another woman that I am actively pursuing.
Through reading this, I hope that you noticed a few things.
1) Sex stands alone. With Love and Relationships, there is potential for overlap within all three areas. But when sex is the initial subject, there is not relation to the other two. Moral of this story. If one just wants to have sex with you, thats what it is, just sex. If one seeks a relationship or love, sex is still on the table, but not necessarily a driving factor.
2) Roles are not constants. They must be discussed. One may want to be in a relationship with you, but in 30 days, you may have done something to change that... but that doesnt mean that person wouldn't let you hold some of their spludge if given the chance! In addition, the desire to do so is not ones attempt to lead anyone on. Within any relationship type, communication is Key.
While this is just an account from one man, I'd like to believe that the lessons learned here are universal.
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