Strength

I write this very timidly. When I do decide to put things down on paper, it is usually after a conversation, or just something that has been on my mind. Today though, this will be based solely on a recent experience. Those parties involved... well this is my place to talk freely, and I have a few things to say. Its not like anyone really reads this thing anyway.

Strength is an odd thing. It is very difficult to perceive true strength. Obviously physical strength, most times, can be measured by the size of a bicep, or the weights displaced by one trying to prove/improve their strength. (As I type, I feel like is will be about much more than strength, but for now, thats what the title is.) Strength is sometimes misidentified. Unfortunately, we live in a society where the strong are considered brash, or rude, or overachievers. The norm is to be weak. To be a pushover, to be followers. As such, people that arent necessarily weak can feel dominate because there seems to be a universal law enforcing the pussyfication of our society. (thanks for the term Philly D... sidenote: watch the phillip defranco show on youtube, AWESOME).

As to not call anyone out, I'll be as general as possible here... I have dealt with some misguide folks in my day. While I am no MLK, I know what I want and what I need and try to do what I think will best serve those purposes. On the other hand, I can be coaxed into taking a flyer when I come out of the club, and I have been falsely energized into a pyramid scheme, but still, no pushover. But because it seems that I had a habit of dealing with people "weaker" in their resolve than I, it was very easy for me to feel as though I was a stronger person. I had/have goals, I understood the consequences of actions and evaluate risk before I do things. And to some extent, I felt that with some folks, I was bring some sort of structure into their lives. I made them better.

Then I found myself dealing with people that also considered themselves strong individuals, and rightfully so. They didn't need my structure and I certainly wasnt making them better because of my presence. This was a new experience. And this is where I believe I began to understand what strength is.

As I was use to being the strongest, I have a habit of thinking all that I do is right. Not because everyone else was wrong per say... but because, usually, I was the only one trying to make a decision and get something done, achieve a goal or what have you. I was thrown into a world where my thought process was scrutinized. I found that a lot of my ideas and thoughts werent actually thought out very well. I was laughed at, and confronted, and ridiculed. But I understood that it was not at all (mostly) mean spirited.

Honestly, if it had been in any other situation, if it had happened earlier in life, I would not be who I am now. I would not have been ready for such an experience. The only reason I truly believe I survived is because I called myself looking for this. I wanted to prove I was who I thought I was. I wanted to prove that even though I had a pretty decent list of goals and accomplishments, that I could succeed when the cards were not all falling in my favor. Up until that point, my life had not been very difficult. I was give a gift that allowed me to put in minimal effort, and still succeed. At least on a small scale.

I am stronger because of it, but still not the strongest. I have kept some old bad habits, and have learned some new ones. But I did learn a lot about me and what strength really is. No, I cant tell you. There is no manual, or 12 step process. Everyone is born with different strengths, and will develop others. I can tell you, however, some of the things I have deduced from my experience...

Have an 85% solid resolve. Be confident in what you do and say. But don't be so confident that you can not take, hear, or deal with criticisms or advice. You are always trying to do your best, even when you have no clue of what you're are doing. But when you are unwilling to consider others thoughts, you cant win. That does not necessarily mean give in. You have to be able to quickly evaluate the value and risk associated with decisions you make. Take blame when you fail. If you show up late, dont blame traffic (or a faulty red line train), recognize that you didnt consider delays and you left too late. Be open to any ideas when you dont know what you're doing. As silly as they may sound, they may just be right. Recognize the uniqueness in every situation, and dont pre-judge everything because you've seen similar before. Sometimes the difference between regular and great is subtle, and you'll pass it up if you can't recognize the little things.

And thats as far as I got... (Outkast reference... no one else picked up on that...)

SUMMARY: my strength is in my ability to evaluate and adapt, or stay steadfast.... and know when to apply each.

ADVICE: Know yours (strengths) and work to possess others