Sunday, December 25, 2011

Year In Review

Unfortunately I am here to report that this has been the worst year of my life. There were good days, great events. My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Had a good time. Started school again and I am doing well. But there was an abundance of bad days and terrible events. As my outlet, I feel like I can be honest here, something that i have recently tried to incorporate into my everyday actual life. With that said, I can tell you, a lot of the bad this year is my fault. Not that the situations didn't suck, or that bad things weren't happening, but that the way that I responded to them made ok bad, and bad terrible.

I was unemployed for 3/4 of the year. For 9 months, I was without a paycheck. But I had an incredible support system... that I did not appreciate at all. I was so set on being the man and bringing in the money and doing the man things. But instead of appreciating and doing whatever I could, I sat around feeling sorry for myself, almost literally doing nothing to contribute. Not only did I not contribute, but I somehow found things to complain about.

I had a lot more to say, but thats all. At the end of the day, my attitude and self pity have me sitting in my bed on christmas by myself. Now would be the time to feel sorry for myself. Now I actually have nothing. And its hard. Harder than any day over the last year. But I cant continue in that way. Somehow I am going to have to pick myself up. Not to get over it however. Most people say you have to get up and move on. Not me. I know what I had. I know I messed it up. All I want to do now is get it back. I have gotten over myself. I am slowly getting back up. But I am not moving on. I destroyed the best thing I ever had. I may never get it back, though I pray everyday that I will. In the meantime though, I will pick up every little piece of whats left, polish it, make it perfect, and make the very best of it and appreciate it. Eventually, God willing, I can find all the little pieces and begin gluing the whole thing back together. This is my life long goal. Nothing else matters. I will do all the things I can to make it come together. To be what it needs me to be. To be the very best of me, because I cant ask for the best without being the best myself.

Ive been watching "How I Met Your Mother" lately, and it is a great show. There is a lot that I can relate to, but my real goal, the real reason I watch it, is because one day I want to be able to tell my kids all the things I had to do to get there mother. The success story at the end of it all. Show them what real love will make you do. How much real love is worth sacrificing. That a real love can over come the very worst.

Sigh, im rambling again.

Thanks for listening. Hope you are able to spend your christmas with the one you love, your very best friend, your family. If nothing else, I hope my plight and stupidity can help you avoid the things I put myself through.

Never forget what you have, because even if you realize what you have before it is actually gone, it may be on its way out.

Happy Festivus

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