revolving door

Recently I have experienced a great deal of change in my life. Where I live, what I do day to day. What my goals are. Beliefs, practices, whatever. But the change that I have had the most trouble with is people. Some have come, some have gone.

We all have heard that people come and go from our lives for a reason. But sometimes I have to believe that there are people worth fighting for.

Which is what I am struggling the most with. I cant determine when I should simply watch someone walk out of my life, and when I should fight for them. Obviously anyone that I contemplate fighting for has had some sort of significance in my life, but what kind of significance justifies the effort? How can I determine the lasting value of a person in my life, or even the value that I may have to them?

I believe God gives us opportunities to grow with every trial we face. I only struggle with trying to determine what that lesson is. I may think initially that the lesson is to learn how to let things go, how to allow a bad situation be just that, understand that it is an unnecessary stress and walk away. But then I may feel like my lesson is to exhibit patience and tolerance. Learn to better deal with things and potentially make a change, not only in myself, but within whoever else is in the situation. Thats by far my favorite, since I like helping people.

Like anyone else, sometimes I get lonely. I have an ex that is still around that I genuinely want to be friends with. But do I keep her around for convenience, or because I actually want to be her friend? I am friends with most of my exes actually. But there is one in particular that I feel only hits me up when the next dude is failing, like a backup. Its crazy, or maybe I am, but I dont think she even realizes what she is doing half the time. I don't want to be that person who keeps people around just in case. So, though I feeling like I have only the best intentions, I dont want to do to my most recent ex, what I feel like that one particular ex is doing to me.

I had a fall out with someone who I was very close to a few years back. In the last few months or so, we began speaking again. And while we arent as close as we were, I do feel like we're in a decent place. I tend to be a pretty understanding person, and I try to acknowledge my role in every situation. I once had a woman chase me down the highway. And while that will never be 100% justified, I try to admit to some of the things that I may have said or done to have brought that on. IN NO WAY IS THAT EVER THE CORRECT RESPONSE TO ANYTHING. I can see how being completely honest with someone can backfire though! Which leads me to someone recently that walked out stormed out of my life. I think I may have actually tried everything with this person. Ignore them, tried to rationalize, tried to talk, yelled, cussed, apologized, played nice, the whole 9. But I could not, for the life of me, figure out why someone would be brought into my life and be one of the coolest people I have ever met for almost exactly 60 days, and then drastically turn into the president of the anti-hb3 club. I'm sure there's a lesson there, I just havent figured it out.

To sum it all up though... people come and go. Some will leave a bad taste in your mouth, and some will leave love and joy in your heart. Most you will forget and some you will take with you everywhere you go. Be kind to all, but be cautious of those you let close. They will inevitably leave something with you that can effect who you are for the rest of your life, positively or negatively. Take whatever you can from each experience and do your best to give twice as much. Being a great friend is hard work, but when you find someone who's trying as hard as you are, its all worth it.