Lessons Learned #1

I have lived. Therefore I have experienced and learned. We all have. This is my effort to analysis what I have experienced and determine what the true lesson in these experiences should be. There are assumed lessons we grab ahold to in an effort to protect ourselves. "Such and such cheated", so your assumed lesson is that all men do and not to trust men. "She spazed on me", so your assumed lesson is that all women are crazy. There is always an underlining truth that can be applied to your life somehow. Sometimes it is a lesson on the opposite sex, but 9 times out 9, its a reflection of you that you may need to examine.
As I stated before, I've had my experiences, and I've come to my own conclusions. But I want to re-examine some of them, to make sure I came to a reasonable conclusion, and also to re-enforces some of the lessons that I mat have neglected recently.

Lesson One: Untitled
(I struggled with a title for this lesson for a while, but determined that it can be applied in so many different ways, that it would be unfair to classify it in only one. While it mostly deals with casual relationships, it can easily go into a more serious one that has had its fair share of turmoil... trust me, I speak from experience)

In recently events, and events gone by, I have had the uncanny ability to separate what I say(read: how I feel) from what I do. Unlike some who do it just because they can, I try and only use that ability when it serves a purpose. I have been in the process of trying to understand myself better, and in an effort to do so, I have vowed not to pursue any type of relationship. At the beginning of this processes, I was still trying to figure out what all the rules were. Initially I figured, as long I told people what was up, everything should be alright. So I would be very upfront; we're just friends, if we hang out, chill, do whatever, we are just friends. Me being the guy that I am, I like to chill out on the couch, watch a movie, cuddle and all that soft stuff at times. Thats just me. But this can be read wrong. So, while I thought the rules were laid out, apparently I was breaking all of them. So I tried another approach. I wouldnt hang out and chill. I wouldnt call to see what you were doing. But I wasnt completely distant. I answered the phone, I responded to texts, I might go out as a group every now and then. And I would answer questions. Which leads to Rule 1.2, if you are asked if a question can be asked, so no. It might be weird, but the question will only get you in trouble. I digress. I would get questions like, do you miss me, do you not like hanging out with me, do you think we would talk if you werent doing what you're doing now? And I would do my best to answer honestly, because in this situation, it doesnt really matter what you say, so why not tell the truth. Not that I believe women are TRYING to trap you, but there is NO possible winning answer unless you plan on changing that day and being with the girl. If you say yes, to any of the aforementioned questions, then you could potentially be leading someone on. If you say no, then your an asshole and must explain why you keep letting someone come around you if you dont really like their presence.

Each lesson provides a dilemma and a solution. "I see the dilemma, but how do I resolve it?" Well, I am glad you asked. The answer all depends on you. You have to know yourself. You have to know what you can and cannot deal with. It took me a long time to find my answer for this question, but I have now. So, I'll tell you what works for me and why.

I have chosen to be upfront and honest with people, with a regularly scheduled revisit of the facts. I know me. I'm prone to catch feelings. I have far more control of it then I have had in the past, but it still happens. I can say one thing today, and in 10 days, fell a different way. This route, of honesty, allows me to be who I am, and still be able to sleep at night after my actions have an undesirable affect. You see, after I cross examine my actions, if I find that I did nothing that directly contradicted whatever I said while being upfront and honest, then I can rest easy knowing that I never did anything beyond that, no matter how the other person perceives it. I hate to be the bad guy, I do. I will do all I can to make sure that I clarify any misconceptions about myself. I wish everybody liked me all the time, but when the status of jerk-face is undeserved, I have a much easier time accepting that that situation must not have been for me.

Moral of the story, be real with yourself. Accept who you are, and hope to find someone who can accept you too.